New Forensic Evidence Shows That Brett Kavanaugh Was Behind the Rape of Nanking!

Tread lightly. I can kill you all with my hands









New evidence confirms what many have always suspected:  The Nanking Massacre during the second Sino-Japanese War that killed an estimated 300,000 was started by new Supreme Court judge Brett Kavanaugh. The evidence has until recently been sitting in top secret Japanese archives.

“I went to college in Japan and I heard rumors about the truth of the massacre” said a Democratic lawyer for the Senate Judiciary Committee.

I didn’t have access to the records but I heard that a “white man who likes beer” ordered and took part in many of the rapes. Naturally I was curious.  I thought at first it might be Charlie Sheen or anybody from Hollywood frankly. I made a mental note to come back later in life when I have power and connections and investigate. Because as a Democratic lawyer I have dedicated my life to the facts. And sleeping with women by telling them I am pro-abortion.

Having risen through the ranks of the Democratic party the lawyer kept his promise and went back to Japan last year to investigate.

What I found profoundly shocked me. I mean it shocked me even more than the time I found out that plane fuel does indeed melt steel.  And I apologize to the families of the workers in the building I flew that plane into. But I digress. Anyway I found out that not only was Charlie Sheen not responsible for all the rapes but that no one from Hollywood was. This is probably the first time anyone from Hollywood has been cleared of rape. I went into their secret records room and the evidence was hidden in a box labelled “Naked Photos of Yoko Ono.”  I have to commend the Japanese on their duplicity. I mean no one was going to open that box! But my spidey sense was tingling and I just had to open it.  Inside I found photos and documents that prove that Brett Kavanaugh had traveled back in time and was responsible for the whole thing. There are photos of him in the act of raping Chinese women. All I saw in the photos was his back but I know it was him. There was a beer keg right next to him. And I found eyewitness recollections. One document from a witness confirms this. It was by a Japanese commander. It said “We didn’t want to rape anybody. But this white guy showed up. He was very drunk. He said he wanted to rape some women before he ‘ralphed.’ Whatever that means. Another document from a victim said that “A very drunk white man put his hand over my mouth. When I screamed he raped my entire village. And then he drank a keg of beer.”  These documents prove that confirming Kavanaugh was a mistake. We need to impeach him!

As for Kavanaugh he has denied these allegations. But what would you expect history’s greatest monster to do?



2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Whoa! Yoko… you got me there, Infidel.

    I heard that Kavanaugh turned up to a ritzy party on the Upper East Side, with a keg, and that Yoko was singing.

    The next day John Lennon was shot, dead.

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