Brainiac Accused of Sexual Harassment!

Green-skinned sexual harasser

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The green-skinned humanoid Brainiac, often considered Superman’s 2nd greatest enemy, has been linked with “credible allegations” of sexual harassment.

“My client denies all these allegations” said Brainiac’s lawyer.

He has never sexually harassed anyone. Why would he need to harass women?  The women come to him! What women wouldn’t want my client? He has a 12-level intellect. Women love his 12-level intellect. He has enhanced memory and advanced understanding of mechanical engineering, bio-engineering, physics and an extensive knowledge of various alien technologies. That’s quite the intellect! Not only would he never sexually harass a woman but his psychic abilities make it very likely that he would shrink and kill any woman who falsely accused him. Not that my client would do that. He’s a gentle soul who just wants to be left alone. And kill Superman. And buy some beachfront property. In fact I find it highly suspicious that the woman accusing him of sexual harassment was on the co-op board that denied him a beachfront co-op. This whole thing sounds like a set up.

The trouble for Brainiac began during a meeting with the co-op board to determine his suitability for the beachfront property.  The Board was evenly divided as to whether Brainiac represented the ideals of the co-op.

“We didn’t mind the fact that he had no regular job” said one member.

I mean, other than wanting to kill Superman. That appeared to be his only job. That was okay with us. Superman used to have a co-op here but we kicked him out when he tried to build a fortress of solitude. Violated co-op rules you see. But anyway like I was saying we were about to vote him in when he mentions that he wants to renovate the place to create an open concept. Now keep in mind we are an old building. Creating an open concept would involve removing some load-bearing beams. And that would be a problem. We informed Brainiac of this and he just said “No worries. I can control space and time. I certainly won’t let a load-bearing wall keep me from an open concept.” We then asked him why he needed an open concept.  “It’s modern” he said. “Brainiac has a certain sense of style. I also want to paint everything white. Maybe use some shiplap.” All this would increase insurance costs and I don’t even think the contractors for the co-op would do it. He just got angry and threatened to “shrink us all.”

Not wanting to be shrunk yet also not wanting to drive up costs that would increase the monthly HOA fees, the Board denied Brainiac’s application. Many feel the sexual harassment charge is just a convenient cover.

“If we denied him because of his reno project he could sue us” said a Board member who wishes to remain anonymous.

“But if we accuse him of sexual harassment he would have no options.”

As for Brainiac he claims to not be disturbed by the Board turning him down.

“Fools! I’ll just use my 12-level intellect to move the beach to another property I want to buy further inland. And it’s a condo not a co-op so that means no HOA either! They don’t call me Brainiac for nothing!”

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