Hello I’m Robin Leach and I’m dead

Once upon a time there was a TV show. And that TV show was called “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.”  It was literally the most important thing to happen in the world since D Day, the replacement of Dick York with Dick Sargent and New Coke combined.

I recently sat down with Mr. Leach to talk about his very important TV show, what he’s been doing since it went off the air and his plans for the future.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Leach.

RL: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. Are you ready for champagne wishes and caviar dreams?  Because that’s what the rich and famous lifestyle is all about.

MI: No thanks. I’d rather have some pizza and beer.

RL: Um. Okay. Um.

MI: It’s been over 20 years since Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous went off the air. What have you been up to?

RL: Not much. I’m dead.

MI: Oh, I’m sorry. When did that happen?

RL: August 24th.  Died of a stroke while on vacation having champagne and caviar with the rich and famous on Cabo San Lucas.

MI: What caused the stroke?

RL: Probably all the champagne and caviar.

MI: I see. That’s got to be a tough break.

RL: Not in the least. I’ve already inked a deal for a new TV show called “Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous and Dead.”

MI: Really?

RL: Yes. There are plenty of rich and famous people here. They all want to be on my show.

MI: You’re saying there are lots of rich and famous people where you are?

RL: Millions of them!

MI:Wow. I’m confused. Didn’t Jesus say that it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of God?

RL:Yes. He did say that. But what makes you think I’m at that place?

MI: Oh, you went to Hell?

RL: I’m English!

MI: Oh.

RL: Let me take you on a tour. As you can see we have many mansions of the rich, dead and famous here.

MI: What’s that one over there?  The one that’s empty.

RL: Oh that one is reserved for Keith Richards. He hasn’t shown up yet. Apparently there is a snag in the death negotiations.

MI: Snag?

RL: Yes, despite having not one, not two, not three but four Grateful Dead members here there still isn’t enough heroin in Hell to get Keith to visit.

MI: He has very high standards. What about that mansion over there? The one still being built.

RL: We are preparing that one for John McCain. He will be here soon. He has lots of admirers in Hell.

MI: Well that’s about all the time I have.

RL: We’re preparing a mansion for you.

MI: What?  Um. I’m not rich nor famous.

RL: Yes but we have spies and you were seen singing along to Toto’s “Hold the Line.”

MI: I am a weak and sinful man.

RL: Champagne and caviar for everyone!

Hey, Hold the Line is a catchy tune!  I’m not ashamed to admit that! If loving Hold the Line is wrong then I don’t want to be right.

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