Captain Kirk Admits He Misses the Alternate Universe!

Upper body strength!











Captain Kirk, recently returned from a mirror universe admitted today that, for all its faults, the mirror universe had “possibilities.”

“Sure the other universe was violent” said Kirk.

And bloodthirsty. And one moved up in rank by assassinating people. But really is that so different from our universe? What’s worse?  Killing someone to advance or spreading rumors about them to Star Fleet command? Not that I’ve even done that, mind you. Though one time I did tell Captain Christopher Pike that there was no danger of Delta radiation. Hey, he was standing in my way of a promotion. I can’t be held responsible if the idiot believed me and is now in a wheelchair. 

Whoops! My bad!










But anyway back to my point. Killing people to advance just seems more honest. Way more honest. And manly. And speaking of manly I had a cool uniform in the other universe. No sleeves! That showed off my physique and massive upper body strength.  Chicks dig upper body strength. And a full head of hair but I don’t want to talk about that. So yeah, I was scoring like there was no tomorrow.

Kirk also admitted to liking the concept of a “Captain’s woman.”

So I get back to my cabin hoping to relax and what do you think I have waiting for me? A woman. 

Dedicated to servicing her captain.










And not one I had to pay for or chase after but a woman dedicated to servicing all my needs. They call her “The Captain’s Woman” in that universe. It was like having a wife. Except for the servicing all my needs part. Frankly I think that’s why Spock got out of his marriage during the Ponn Farr. But any way what was I saying? Oh yes. She was dedicated to servicing all my needs. And I’m thinking “Hot diggity!” This is my chance to finally do that thing involving a fire hose and lots of lubrication. Most women balk at that. But if she really is the captain’s woman then she has no choice. So you can see this alternate universe had some definite advantages.

Kirk was tempted to stay but received pushback from the other crew members he was trapped with.

Scotty didn’t give me that much of a problem. Apparently alcoholism is the norm in that universe. But McCoy and Uhuru were such pussies. Uhuru kept telling me she hated this universe because she was expected to sleep with Sulu. Why would you sleep with a gay man I asked her? Apparently it was one of the weirder things about that place. So I agreed to go back home.

Still, Kirk didn’t return without bringing a little something back with him.

“I brought the Tantalus field with me. 

Doesn’t use Windows 10









Imagine being able to kill your enemies at the touch of a button.  I just hope the operating system isn’t Windows 10 because I don’t have time for all those updates.”


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    I’d pretty much forgotten that episode, stupidly, and now I remember. Thanks, Infidel, good work.

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