My Exclusive Interview with John Brennan

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Come to me and I shall feed you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at Manhattan Infidel (I report, you never read me) I have the pleasure of interviewing former CIA director John Brennan.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Brennan.

JB: Whatever punk.

MI: Let’s get right to the point. You have made well-known your contempt for President Trump.

JB: Slimebucket.  Bastard.  C*cksucker.  He shall be consigned to the dustbin of history.

MI: And recently –

JB: Perfidious disgusting piece of crap you wipe off the bottom of your shoe.

MI: Yes, as I was – 

JB:  He doesn’t deserve to sit on the throne of the presidency. We had a good man, an educated man, a sophisticated, nuanced man who was friendly to Muslims, Barack Obama as President once. Trump isn’t fit to to hold his coattails.

MI: Anyway President Trump recently withdrew your top security clearance. Do you have any comment on that?

JB: He’s punishing me. He’s punishing me for having a low opinion of him. He’s a tyrant not seen even during the heyday of the Soviet Union.

MI: And you would know a thing or two about the Soviet Union being a former communist who voted for Gus Hall for president in the 1970s.

JB: What’s your point knuckle dragger?

MI: It’s just that some believe that you politicized and weaponized the CIA and now that you are an analyst for CNN you are leaking information to your colleagues in the press. Many feel that you deserve to have your security clearance revoked. 

JB Not true. Not true at all. I used the office of CIA director in a patriotic fashion by serving the needs of the Democratic party. That’s why I gave the Steele dossier to John McCain. I knew he would leak it.

MI: What?

JB: I didn’t say that. But my point remains. I do not feed my colleagues in the media.

[Jim Acosta enters] 

Feed me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JA: Feed me. Feed me!

[Acosta sits down. Brennan grabs some food and puts it in his mouth, chewing on it for a minute. He then stands over Acosta and opens his mouth, letting the regurgitated food fall into Acosta’s mouth. Acosta swallows it whole.]

JB: There, there. Feed from the bread of truth.

JA: Mm. Thank you John.

MI: Um. What just happened?

JB:  I was absolutely not feeding my colleagues at CNN.

MI: I see.

[Jake Tapper enters] 

Always hungry!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JT: I’m hungry!

[Brennan repeats the process and chews food then stands over Tapper and regurgitates the wet food into Tapper’s mouth. Tapper swallows it.]

JB: Take it all. Take it all.

JT: Thank you, John. See you at the CNN barbecue?

JB: I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

[Tapper leaves]

MI: I suddenly feel very nauseous. I may never eat again.

JB:  But to repeat my earlier assertion. I am most definitely not feeding my colleagues in the media.

[Manhattan Infidel vomits]

That was a most unpleasant interview. Some things seen cannot be unseen.

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