There is a Republican in the White House. Why am I not back in demand?

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I am feeling a bit nostalgic so I’ve decided to interview a figure who used to be famous back in the first decade of this century. I am referring to none other than anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan.

MI: Good afternoon Miss Sheehan.

CS: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI: Now let’s start off with a brief recap. Most are familiar with your story. Your son was killed in the Iraqi war and you became an anti-war activist during the Bush administration.

CS: Yes. The Bush Administration. Those were good times. The press used me at every opportunity to embarrass the President. I was in demand. My moral authority was hailed by the New York Times. I was on the verge of forcing a paradigm shift in America.

MI: And then what happened?

CS: Barack Obama was elected. Suddenly the press wasn’t as interested in using me to embarrass a sitting president.

MI: Even if the Iraqi war and the war in Afghanistan continued and President Obama was killing more people with drone strikes than Bush ever did?

CS: Well I understand why the press ignored me then. War is moral when Democrats do it.

MI: Um. I see.

CS: But there’s a Republican in the White House now. Why is the press still ignoring me?  I though they were my friends.

MI: I have no idea.

CS: And another thing, Manhattan Infidel. I agreed to this interview only if sandwiches were available. Look, this. This miniature bread, it like… I’ve been working with this now for about half an hour and I can’t figure out… let’s say I wanted a bite, right. You got this…

MI: You’d like bigger bread?

CS: Exactly. I don’t under stand how…

MI: [gestures to the meat] You could just fold this… though.

CS: [folding the bread] Well, no… then it’s half the size…

MI:  No, not the bread. [folding the meat]. You could fold the meat…

CS: This bread is too small, like my time in the spotlight.

[David Hogg enters] 

Teenagers shall rule America!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DH: What’s all this about a limited time in the spotlight?

MI: ‘Fraid so. The press will move on once you’re not useful anymore.

DH: But….but….gun control!  Hey, what’s with the small bread?

CS:  I fold it but then it breaks up. It breaks apart like this…

DH: Let me see that. I keep folding it and it keeps breaking. What the hell?

CS: Who are those people with you?

DH: It’s my armed security team.

CS: But you’re a gun control activist!

DH: Are you threatening me?  Security!

[Hogg’s armed guards proceed to pistol whip Cindy Sheehan]

CS: Help!  Help!

DH: Don’t worry ma’am. They are Democrats.

CS: Thank god. Just don’t take my small bread!

DH: Like I’m going to listen to you. You’re not even famous like I am!

[Hold up miniature sandwich]

DH: I don’t want this. I want large bread, so I can put this…

[puts meat between two pieces of miniature bread]

DH: … so then it’s like this. But this doesn’t work, because then it’s all…hanging out.

MI: Well I’ll leave alone to battle the small bread.

DH: Ban assault small bread! I am now an anti-gun, anti-small bread activist!

CS: The moral authority of large bread cannot be questioned!

And so ended my interview. You know they were right about one thing.  Large sandwiches are better. I think I’ll head over to Subway and get a foot long. Cold cut combo. Maybe black forest ham.

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