#eliminatewhitefolk

As many may know the New York Times (“All the news that’s fit to make up”) recently came into a bit of controversy when they hired Sarah Jeong to join their editorial board.  Many complained that her tweets were racist.

I, Manhattan Infidel, decided to see if there was any truth to this rumor so I have examined her tweets and I am proud to say that I found no evidence of racism.

To prove my point I have included a few of her non-offensive, totally not racist tweets.

• Oh man it’s kind of sick how much joy I get being cruel to old white men.”

To be fair to Miss Jeong, cruel is a very nuanced term. It can mean many things.  Old white men is a nuanced term as well. Put them together and you have a very nuanced phrase. Technically being cruel to old white men would be forcing them to wait on line for the bathroom.  You see. Very nuanced.  But Manhattan Infidel you say cruel is not a nuanced term. Yes it is. But you don’t understand  the nuances of nuance because you probably don’t live in Manhattan. That makes you stupid. In a nuanced way that is.

• Are white people genetically predisposed to burn faster in the sun, thus logically being only fit to live underground like groveling goblins?

At first glance many Republicans and deplorables (“The un-nuanced”) may view this as racist. But upon further reflection the tweet is based on settled science. White people do burn quicker in the sun. Thousands of Irish spontaneously combust every year when exposed to sunlight. That’s a fact! You probably haven’t heard about this scientific fact. I can’t blame you, dear readers, for not living in Manhattan and being un-nuanced. You’ve probably never even heard of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, the greatest scientific mind of  this or any other generation.

• Why was Darth Vader evil?  Because he was white! And white people are evil!

Now how can anyone say this tweet is racist? Darth Vader is white. Darth Vader is evil. While I was disappointed that this tweet wasn’t more nuanced I can only surmise that perhaps Ms. Jeong was attempting to reach across the aisle to the bitter, clinging white folk. I am white.But I live in Manhattan. That makes me nuanced and not bitter or clinging.

• Vanilla ice cream makes me poop. Chocolate ice cream never does!

This is perhaps her most subtle and nuanced tweet. Vanilla ice cream obviously stands for the racism of the white  man. And why wouldn’t the racism of the white man make you poop. Poop in disgust! Chocolate ice cream obviously stands for the peace loving victims of color in America. She doesn’t poop at the thought of them. Again, I wouldn’t expect my readers not living in Manhattan to get the nuance of this cleverly nuanced tweet.

And there you have it readers. I found the claim that her tweets were racist totally without merit. And I believe my opinion is the correct one. I live in Manhattan you know. I’m nuanced.

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