F*ck Donald Trump!

Koko the Gorilla, who captivated the world with her grace, wit and charm, has died.

“Sadly it is true. We have lost Koko” said an official at the zoo where she was housed in a cage and kept apart from her family.

She had been very depressed ever since Hillary Clinton had her victory in the 2016 election voided by Russia colluding with Donald Trump, who is literally Hitler. When Hillary won the nomination she became very excited and watched the election with keen interest. One day she signed to me “Finally misogynistic America will become enlightened like Europe and elect a female ruler.” At least I think that’s what she was signing. It was either that or “God my ass really itches.”  She was very pro-Hillary. She stayed up with me on election night. She was so excited. She signed to me “Hillary is just like me! We both are overweight, have hairy backs and are socialists.” I think that’s what she was signing. It was either that or “Does anyone have some cream that will help my itchy ass?” When it became clear that Trump had stolen the election with Russian help she started crying and signed “F*ck Trump! This is an injustice. I will join the resistance.” I think that’s what she was signing. It was either that or “No seriously. Can someone take a look at my ass. It really itches. I think I have a twig or something stuck up there.”

After the election Koko joined the Socialist Party of California and registered to vote.

Koko was determined that Trump would not be reelected. We put a poster of Trump in her cage and she flung poo at it every day. We were quite proud of her activism. No one should be surprised that she was a socialist. Gorillas are natural socialists. Unlike humans they are not obsessed with material possessions and love to redistribute things evenly. Except for bananas.  One time an employee, he must have been new, tried to take some of the bananas she picked and give them to another gorilla. She ripped his arm off. We all felt badly about that. Mainly because the Republicans were trying to repeal Obamacare and the employee couldn’t afford a prosthetic.

But it was only in the past week as Koko witnessed the plight of undocumented asylum seekers in cages that she became truly enraged.

We were watching CNN’s coverage of children ripped from their parents and kept in cages and Koko stood up and signed “That does it. Let’s kidnap Trump’s four-year old granddaughter and put her in a cage with pedophiles!”  I think that’s what she signed. It might have been “My ass feels better. Found the twig and removed it. These things are bound to happen when you crap in the bushes.” It was right after that that she collapsed and died. Probably from a broken heart over Trump’s lack of compassion. But it might have been internal bleeding from that twig.

Koko’s body will be transported to the California Capitol building in Sacramento where it will lie in State.

Outgoing Governor Jerry Brown has announced that he will renamed the City of Sacramento “Kokoville.”

“I felt a personal affinity for Koko. We’re both socialists, we’re both very old and we have both slept with Linda Rondstadt” said the governor.

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