Nothing to see here people move along

It has now been almost a week since the Inspector General released his report on Hillary Clinton’s private email server.  I have spent the time reading and reviewing it and I now summarize the top points for you, my readers reader mom oh come on mom read my blog the fellow at 1and1 who is responsible for the server my blog is hosted on.

• Did Hillary Clinton compromise national security by storing classified documents on an unsecured home server?

Yes.

• Wow. Why hasn’t she been charged? Why isn’t she in jail?

She did not intend to commit a crime. And where there is no intent there is no crime.

• Um. I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.

You’re a legal expert now?

• No I’m just a concerned citizen.

Oh. A commoner.Well let me explain these difficult concepts for you carefully you uneducated commoner. Hillary Clinton comes from American royalty. By definition royalty are above the law. You aren’t. And for questioning Hillary like this your tax returns for the last ten years shall be evaluated by the IRS.

• Former President Barack Obama said he had no knowledge of Hillary’s private email server until he found out about it in the press. Is this true?

No. President Obama was regularly communicating with Hillary using a fake email address.

• What? Why isn’t President Obama in jail? Why isn’t the press covering this? This sounds like the biggest story of the century!

President Obama is a Democrat and a black man. As a Democrat he is immune to the law. As a black man we must cut him some slack. After all aren’t there already too many black men in jail for victimless crimes like raping their grandmothers? What good would it be to put a clean cut, articulate black man like Barack Obama in jail for potentially jeopardizing American security by using insecure back door email channels? Are you a racist? You voted for Trump didn’t you?  You deplorables make me sick.

• Did President Trump collude with Russia during the 2016 campaign?

Yes. Why else would Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller indict Paul Manafort for tax evasion and bank fraud, two crimes unrelated to the 2016 election and Russian collusion?

• One thing I’ve noticed throughout the IG’s report is the level of arrogance of FBI higher ups. They were committed to overlooking HIllary’s crimes and “getting” Donald Trump. Why is this?

It was obvious to all the smart set in Washington that Hillary was going to be elected the next President by a landslide. Therefore there was no point in investigating so-called “crimes” committed by her. Isn’t this country divided enough? Let us have peace. And the only way to have peace is to ensure Democrats win every election.

• But Hillary didn’t win. Donald Trump did. How do you explain this?

The American people are stupid. Fortunately I live in Washington and do not have to come into direct contact with these unwashed masses.

• Wow. You’re being brutally honest. I must say this is refreshing. But aren’t you worried about repercussions for your honesty?

There will be no repercussions. No one will read this interview.

• Why is that?

Because Manhattan Infidel we’ve already arranged to have you indicted for wire fraud, convicted and sent to a super max prison. No one will ever hear of you again.

• That sounds harsh. What if I told you that I’ve changed my party affiliation to Democrat and am now willing to write propaganda for deep state-approved candidates?

Then all is forgiven. Welcome to the club! Just don’t touch me. You’re still fresh and I don’t want any deplorable to rub off on me.

• Isn’t our republic grand?

It is. As long as the proper people rule it.

And there you have it readers. We live in the greatest, most free nation in the world.  And yes I have to say that or I’ll be indicted for wire fraud.

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