Josie and the Pussycats Fire Their Tambourine Player!

We need more tambourine!






Popular, though some say stereotypical girl band, Josie and the Pussycats courted controversy today when they fired their only African-American member, bass player Valerie.

“Our manager called me into his office” said a distraught Valerie.

I thought maybe he wanted to talk to me about a business issue. I am the voice of reason in the group and am highly intellectual. But no. After some chit chat he says to me, “Valerie the girls have talked and they want you out.”  I was shocked and asked him why? I’m the best girl tambourine player their is. He just said that they have discussed it and want to go in another direction. When I asked what he meant he said “You know. Maybe hire a bassist.” I didn’t buy his explanation. Since when does a band need a bass player? And even if they wanted to hire a bass player why get rid of me? He said sorry but the decision has been made.  I told him to stop oppressing me and left his office.

While the move is controversial sources say it has been long in coming.

“Josie rubbed us the wrong way. She thought she was the leader and star of the band” said their long-time roadie Alan.

She was just a tambourine player. And she always wanted the bank to incorporate Mr. Tambourine Man into their repertoire. Dude that song sucks and it wouldn’t attract the key 14-18 year old demographic. And she was always pissing us off by going on and on about politics. 

Indeed it was Valerie’s growing radicalization that was responsible for her ouster.

“She started talking about Colin Kaepernick and how much she admired him” said guitarist Josie.

That was bad enough. But then she stopped shaving her legs, which was just gross. I told her to start shaving them again. “We’re a girl band for god’s sake. No one wants to see your hairy legs. The audience will blow chunks.”  You know what she said?  “Why should I, as a black woman, consent to shave my legs for the white man? The same white man who enslaved my ancestors. Black tambourine players’ lives matter!” I didn’t know what to say to that. I just avoided talking to her after that. As long as she showed up and played tambourine we tolerated her.

But then Valerie stopped playing tambourine and would only stand on stage with her fist in the air. She also wanted to lecture the audience on Angela Davis and the Black Panthers.

We were starting to lose our audience. People would get up and walk out and yell at us to “shut up and play.” Business is business and we made a corporate decision to let her go. I wish her the best of luck but we can’t have her in the band anymore.

With Valerie gone and now lacking a tambourine player the band has let it be known in trade circles that they are looking to hire a bass player.

“Geddy Lee said he was a fan and wouldn’t mind working with us” said Josie.

“He’s a good bass player but I don’t know about hiring a Canadian. You know how they are.”


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    I just laughed, out loud.

    Geddy Lee, the sheer temerity.

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