Let’s kill our children!

The formerly Christian Republic of Ireland voted overwhelmingly to legalize abortion within its borders, marking its final descent into madness and irrelevance.

“This is a great day for Ireland” said one of the leaders of the movement to repeal the 8th Amendment to the Irish Constitution, outlawing abortion.

At last we will become a progressive socialist shithole like our leaders on the continent of Europe. France. Germany. England. These are the countries Ireland aspires to be. Abortion on demand. Low birthrates. Inundated with Muslims who are totally not going to rape our women. What more can a country ask for?

Another woman was overcome with emotion by the result and between sobs was able to tell a reporter how proud she is.

“Finally we have defeated the patriarchy” she said.

After all what is heterosexual sex but rape? It is the patriarchy brutally penetrating the warm, wet, tight walls of womenhood. And that’s a bad thing. Abortion today. Abortion tomorrow. Abortion forever. We want to be known as the abortion leader of Europe. Only then will we strike fear into the hearts of the patriarchy. And on a completely unrelated note can someone go back to my place?  There’s a mouse in the kitchen and I need someone to kill it.

A third woman thanked the United States for being Ireland’s abortion model.

“The United States has aborted over 60 million children since Roe Vs Wade” she remarked.

That is a magnificent achievement. Something the United States should be rightly proud of. Sixty million?  Why that’s almost the entire population of Italy! Granted if their are no more Italians I might have to hire a Polish immigrant to cook my pasta but that’s just a small price to pay for abortion rights. The hiring of Polish people I mean.  Though eliminating Italians isn’t bad either. Except for Frank Sinatra. I like him. And George Clooney. He’s Italian, right?

One person spoke of how compassionate abortion is and how it is truly only the first step towards an even more compassionate Ireland.

“Every mother wants to kill her children before they are born” she said.

That’s a fact. The science is settled on this. The so-called maternal instinct is nothing more than patriarchal propaganda. So letting us have abortions is compassionate. And why stop at eliminating the product of coitus before it leaves the womb? Shouldn’t we be allowed to kill our children outside the womb as well? It only seems fair. I am proposing that for the first two years after birth every Irish woman have the right to terminate her offspring. And it will be easy to do. We’re an island. Just throw them off the cliffs into the sea. We can make it a spectator sport. Give points for the best throw. It has to be more exciting than soccer.

Still not everyone is excited about abortion in Ireland.

“What if our birthrate falls below replacement levels” said a person opposed to female reproductive freedom.

We’re not the United States. They have a crapload of Hispanics. We don’t. We might have to import America’s Hispanics to keep our birthrate up. Respectable Hispanics. Cubans and Dominicans only. America can keep their Puerto Ricans and Mexicans.

Upon reflection however he walked back his previous statement.

“Well we might have to import Mexicans. We need someone to do our laundry after all.”

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