Why doesn’t anyone take us seriously?

The Democratic National Committee today filed a lawsuit against the first man, Adam, claiming he “did willingly collude with the Devil to thwart human nature, directly leading to sin, the establishment of the Republican Party, collusion with Russia and the election of Donald Trump in 2016.”

“We are a serious party” said DNC chairman Tom Perez (pictured here).

DNC President Tom Perez

And this is a serious lawsuit.  We are seriously serious about making sure America never forgets about the 2016 election and how icky Donald Trump had prostitutes pee on him in a Russian hotel room. Personally I’m embarrassed to even talk about golden showers. I never have had one. Certainly not from prostitutes. In a hotel room. In Russia. I just am not into that sort of thing. I don’t care what the video tape shows. That’s not me. It’s my identical twin brother. But anyway back to my point. Adam colluded with the Devil to thwart human nature and make it prone to sin. This led to the birth of the Republican party, which as we all know is nothing but sinful. In turn the Republicans nominated icky Donald Trump who colluded with Russia to steal the election from Hillary Clinton, the most qualified candidate to run for President. Ever.

In a statement about the lawsuit Satan denied being responsible for Hillary Clinton’s loss.

“This is a sham lawsuit filed by a desperate, dysfunctional Democratic Party” said Satan (pictured here).

The face of Satan

Hell I was hoping Hillary would win! She is everything I believe is best for  humanity. She’s crooked, incompetent, banal and has a huge sense of entitlement. I could use all that to weaken humanity and sow discord. The Clinton Foundation? Man I respect that. Milking billions from foreign governments? Classic stuff. It makes my scam about global warming and polar bears drowning seem like child’s play in comparison. So no. There was no collusion. The only collusion was between me and her husband Bill on the Lolita express.

Despite Satan’s denial of collusion many legal experts believe the DNC’s lawsuit has merit.

“The DNC has every right to bring this lawsuit” said an anonymous Federal judge.

They are the aggrieved party. How else could Hillary lose to icky Donald Trump if not collusion? We already know the Republican party is sinful so why not start from the beginning and sue Adam? This is a smart move. The lawsuit will not be dismissed.

If the lawsuit is allowed to proceed it will perhaps be the most explosive lawsuit since Paul McCartney sued the other three Beatles, charging that they had colluded with Pete Best.

Adam could not  be reached about the lawsuit as he is currently undergoing extensive fig leaf rash therapy.

“Don’t get me started on how his genitals look” said his wife Eve.

“They look like burnt bacon wrapped in sauerkraut wrapped in pulled pork. Pulled pork that has exploded.  It’s not pretty. If I had known fig leaves can do that I would never have colluded with Russia.”

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