No Sicilian can refuse a request on his daughter’s wedding day

The Special Prosecutor’s investigation into Russian Interference in the 2016 Presidential election heated up today as detectives raided the office of well-known attorney for the Corleone crime family, Tom Hagen.

“This is an outrage” said Hagen.

Whatever happened to attorney-client privilege. I have one client and he prefers not to be known. Now everybody knows Vito Corleone is that client. Vito Corleone is a patriotic American who has never colluded with Russia. Never. What’s more I found out about this Robert Mueller. Now he’s definitely on Sollazzo’s payroll and for big money. Mueller has agreed to be the Turk’s bodyguard. While Sollazzo is being guarded like this he is invulnerable. Nobody has ever gunned down a special prosecutor before. It would be disastrous. All the Republicans would come after my client Vito Corleone. Even the old man’s political connections would run for cover!

Despite the character defamation he suffered at the hands of Hagen, Special Prosecutor Mueller remains convinced that Hagen holds the key to the “smoking gun” that can finally convict President Trump.

Vito Corleone (pictured here)

I ain’t colluding with Russia

through his olive oil importing business has international contacts. He has been known to travel to Sicily and is rumored to have a shadowy meeting in Prague with operatives close to Putin to discuss the Steele Dossier. Also as an Italian Vito Corleone is rumored to be a Republican with a strong interest in defeating the Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.

Corleone’s lawyer, Hagen, continues to deny any and all involvement with the so-called Russian collusion of 2016. Hagen has even gone as far as to go to Washington to meet with Mueller to “clear the air.” 

I come from Vito Corleone  himself. Mr. Corleone promises his undying friendship if you would do him a small favor. Stop investigating him. He has nothing to do with Russian collusion. If you stop investigating him Mr. Corleone promises to make it worth your while.  You’ve got some labor trouble coming up. Mr. Corleone promises to make that trouble disappear. You have a prosecutor in your office who just graduated from marijuana to heroin. Mr. Corleone can make this all go away if you simply stop investigating him.

Mueller, in his righteous attempt to get President Trump, became enraged by Hagen’s offer and called him a “Kraut-mick” before throwing him out of his office.

Hagen responded by thanking Mueller for his time and asking that his car be brought around as “Mr. Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news at once.”

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Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news 

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Citing a “complete lack of evidence of collusion” Robert Mueller has dropped his investigation into President Trump.

Mueller made his decision after someone left a horse’s head in his bed

“I think it was a horse’s head” said a source in Washington. “It might have been Hillary Clinton’s. They are hard to tell apart you know.”

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