I blame racism!

In the grand scheme of things an NFL player beating the crap out of his wife is a rare event, like a keyboardist for the Grateful Dead dying. No seriously. It hardly ever happens. Except all the times it does happen. But it only happens because of racial prejudice. Or maybe not.

But since it has (rarely) happened again it is time for Manhattan Infidel’s patented NFL Malfeasance Template™.  (Malfeasance Template not valid where prohibited by law.)

San Francisco 49ers linebacker Reuben Foster has been charged with felony domestic violence after he punched his live-in girlfriend in the head eight to ten times, dragged her by the hair and threw her out of his home

1. What is your point?
2. Felony domestic violence?  That is racist!
3. Martin Luther King Jr. didn’t give his I have a dream speech just so whitey can arrest a brother for slapping around his bitch
4. Hey Foster plays in the NFL.  Punching his bitch upside the head helps him keep in shape during the off season!

But he punched her in the head eight to ten times!  And dragged her by her hair and threw her out into the street!

1.  I blame the NFL for forcing people to play in the NFL. Concussions you know.
2. Seriously. He was probably suffering from concussion syndrome and thought his live in girlfriend was a quarterback for another team
3.  Since when is slapping your bitch upside the head eight to ten times against the law?
4. You know who makes these stupid laws?  White folk!

Reuben Foster fights against racial injustice! Cut him some slack!

1. He takes a knee during the National Anthem. That makes him progressive and enlightened
2. Do you know what else he’s going to take a knee for?  Court!  No justice no peace!
3. If he wants to slap his bitch upside the head eight to ten times I say let him. Don’t you know how much black people suffer at the hands of war-like white folk of northern European origin?
4. He had every right to punch her. She was stealing his cocaine!

Could this charge adversely affect Reuben Foster’s NFL career?

1. Come on. Are you serious?  Two words:  Ray Lewis
2. Can’t get a sneaker contract without a felony, bitch!
3. As long as he keeps paying people to supply their urine for his drug tests all will be fine
4. Black lives matter!  Except for the bitch I slapped upside the head that is

And so here ends another Malfeasance Template™.  Until next time. And there will be a next time.

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