Do you, er, do it nude?

Embattled and unpopular President John Quincy Adams, the son of embattled and unpopular President John Adams had his Presidency further tarnished when he was caught swimming naked in the Potomac River.

“I was whipping my slave when I caught sight of the President taking his clothes off by the river” said one Washington D.C. resident.

I was so shocked I stopped whipping my slave! I consider myself a progressive man. I’m a Democrat you see but this just cannot be tolerated. If the President of the United States can be a public nudist then what is the point of having any minimum standards of decency? If President Adams is going to strut around in his birthday suit then what’s the point of our domestic institutions? I follow the law and constrain my appetites. I hardly ever whip my slaves more than 39 times at once. Tradition and decency you know. But the President has abandoned all decency. Why even have slaves anymore? God is dead. Chaos rules. Even my slave, after seeing the President naked, is beginning to doubt our divine institution. He might want freedom and vote Whig!

This isn’t the first scandal to strike the Adams administration. His Vice President John C. Calhoun (pictured here)

Yes this is my real hair!

has recently been caught up in “Toupee Gate” as it’s now known.

“This is my real hair” said the angry Calhoun.

Real. Hair. Not a wig. Real hair. So stop trying to yank it off my head. That’s just rude.  I don’t know why toupee glue keeps getting delivered to my house. I blame my slaves. I might have to whip a few of them. You northerners are just jealous of my thick mane of totally real hair. And no I’m not a time traveler from the 21st Century called “Kevin Bacon.” 

Not John C. Calhoun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how those rumors start. So to recap. Real hair. Totally real. Toupee glue? I blame my slaves. Northerners are jealous of my hair and I am not a time traveler. I hate the 19th century. Can’t find a WiFi signal anywhere. What?  You didn’t hear that.

President Adams Secretary of State Henry Clay (picture here)

Totally not a time traveler

defends the administration and says that if the President wants to swim nude in the Potomac that is his business.

“Doesn’t the press have better things to do than pry into the private life of a president” he said.

Oh well. I guess it could be worse. At least they aren’t looking into my suspicious resemblance to Adam West. 

His Batman was very underrated

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I know Adam West won’t be born for another 100 years but that does not prove I’m a time traveler. Though I must say his Batman is very underrated. It’s the best interpretation of the character really.

As for President Adams he remains defiant and promises to continue swimming naked in the Potomac.

“My enemies are just jealous of my refined puritan genitalia” he told reporters.

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