Penguin Angered by Gotham’s New Smoking Regulations!

Come on! This is my look!









Notorious Gotham villain Oswald Cobblepot, aka “The Penguin” has expressed his anger at the Gotham City Council for enacting a new series of anti-smoking laws.

“Come on. This is just prohibition all over” said the Penguin.

I’ve been smoking since I was 13 years old and I feel fine. Smoking relaxes me. Do you think it’s easy being a highly intelligent super villain from the upper class of Gotham’s elite?  You know how mean rich people are? It’s getting harder and harder to impress people anymore with my villainy. Just the other day I was at a party with Gotham’s rich and famous and one of them asked me what I had done lately. I told them I had created a dossier alleging Trump had Russian prostitutes pee on his bed. Then I gave it to John McCain who gave it to the FBI and CNN. You’d think they’d be impressed. Nope. Not one bit. I even told them I was spreading stories alleging Trump colluded with Russia to win the 2016 election. They just yawned. That’s why I smoke. It gets rid of my frustration. I even use a cigarette holder for class. Makes me look like Audrey Hepburn. No dice. No one is impressed. I hate rich people.

However because of Gotham’s new ban on smoking in public and private The Penguin will no longer be able to use his trademark cigarette holder.

What the hell am I supposed to put on the end of my cigarette holder? Bubblegum? Kale? Gotham has no right to restrict my freedom. My cigarette isn’t hurting anyone. My trick umbrella however kills people. You’d think they’d be more worried about that. But no. Apparently as long as I don’t put a bump stock on my umbrella I’m fine. But smoking? Suddenly that’s a moral evil. What the hell am I supposed to do now to relax? Yoga? Meditate? The only thing I want to meditate on is the downfall of Batman! Gotham better repeal these silly, puritanical regulations or I just might take my evil genius to another town. Maybe Poughkeepsie.  I hear that town is ripe for the plucking.

The Gotham City Council however has shown no signs of rescinding the regulations and has dispatched The Penguin’s arch-nemesis Batman to ask him to refrain from smoking.

Like I’m going to listen to Batman. He’s a nerd! Doesn’t smoke. Doesn’t drink. I visited the Bat Cave once and asked for an ash tray.I thought Robin was going to faint. I don’t know what the hell to do man.


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The Penguin has announced that he is giving up cigarettes and will switch to vaping, or electronic cigarettes.

“They haven’t outlawed that yet, the bastards.”


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Gotham City Council has voted unanimously to ban electronic cigarettes.

“It’s about time. I just hope supervillains like The Penguin realize we are serious about protecting the health of our citizens” said council member Bruce Wayne.


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