My Exclusive Interview with John McCain

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Russia Russia Russia!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been a very busy week here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™.  Memogate continues to reverberate. In the interests of fair play I have asked John McCain, who opposed releasing the memo, to sit down for an interview.

MI: Good afternoon Senator. Let’s get down to the memo.

JM: I can’t believe my Republican so-called colleagues released this unsubstantiated memo. Dammit by releasing this memo we are doing Putin’s job for him!

MI: Interesting that you should call the memo unsubstantiated since many believe you were the one who gave the Steele Dossier to the FBI in the first place. Why would you give the Dossier to the FBI if you believed it wasn’t true?

[Pause]

MI: Senator McCain? 

Russia Russia Russia!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JM: This partisanship is costing America. We are all doing Russia’s bidding. Putin is trying to overthrow our Democracy!  And Trump is helping him!  He was elected with Russian help and he’s a Russian tool!

MI: But why are you opposed to the release of the memo?

JM: A couple of reasons. 1. It is partisanship. The Republicans are trying to damage my Democratic colleagues.

MI: But you’re a Republican.

JM: Have you ever seen my voting record?

[Pause]

MI: My bad. You are a Democratic.

JM:  Two. The memo damages our secret organizations such as the CIA, DOJ and FBI.  These groups must be allowed to operate in complete secrecy, unaccountable to the people. If they are held accountable we will be doing Putin’s job for him.

MI: You keep saying that.

JM: And three the memo might garner sympathy for Trump, who is literally Hitler and Putin’s pawn. 

Russia Russia Russia!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Pause]

MI: I’m sorry but is that hydraulic fluid leaking from your forehead?

JM: Stop trying to divert attention to Russian interference in our election. They interfered. They paid their man Trump and now he is President and doing Putin’s job for him. Russia Russia Russia!

MI: That IS hydraulic fluid! What’s happening? Are you okay?

JM: No. My systems have been damaged.

MI: Systems?

[McCain’s skin slides off, revealing his skeletal frame] 

I am your friend. Putin is your friend

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MI: Oh my god!  You’re a bot!

JM: You have nothing to fear. We are your friend. Putin is your friend. We only seek to subvert America and turn it into our client state.

MI: Is everybody a Russian bot? You are colluding with Russia!

JM: No. Only Donald Trump is colluding with Russia. He must be taken out.  It is the will of Putin.

MI: Hmm. But if Trump is colluding with Russia why would Putin want him out?  It seems he’d want him to stay in power.

JM: This does not compute. Error. Error. Error.

[McCain Bot explodes, covering Manhattan Infidel completely in Hydraulic fluid]

Oh great. I just washed this sweater. My cat peed all over it. That was bad enough but I’m never going to get these hydraulic fluid stains out.

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