Please don’t litter on me!

R2-D2 has been found.  The astromech droid originally went missing during the Women’s march almost two weeks ago.

“I thought we had lost him forever” said Luke Skywalker of his droid companion.

The much-loved droid was found in a bar in upper Manhattan near Ft.Tryon park where he had been drinking and attempting to dance on top of the bar.

“I was going to throw him out he was so drunk” said the blonde female Irish bartender.

He looked dangerous in a damaged way. I asked him what had brought him to the lowly state he is in now. He told me a horrifying tale. Truly horrifying. I bought him a few drinks just out of sympathy. No one should have to suffer the way he did.

R2-D2’s troubles began on Saturday January 20th when he was walking along 6th Avenue in Manhattan looking to buy argyle sweaters for his human companion Skywalker.

Unbeknownst to the apolitical droid the 2018 Pussy Hat march was in full swing.

Finding himself surrounded by thousands of overweight, ugly, tattooed lesbians R2-D2 attempted to flee. Unfortunately his size and shape had many of the marchers assuming he was a trash can and he was soon pelted with burning bras, used tampons and fast food.

R2-D2 began frantically trying to tell the women he was not a trash can but was unable to communicate with them in their native language.

His unsuccessful attempts to talk with the oppressed women only enraged them more as they interpreted his distinctive droid speech patterns to be mocking them.

Angered by what they perceived as an attack by the patriarchy several of the marchers began pelting R2-D2 with their menstrual blood.

“Hey ho let’s stain the patriarchy that has to go” they chanted as they smeared the helpless droid.

He was soon knocked over and the crowd of woke feminists began kicking him and pulling on his arms in an attempt to emasculate him.

Screen actress Ashley Judd bent over the terrified droid and yelled at him.

“This nasty woman will not have you body shame my puffy face!”

She then left, feeling good about herself and satisfied that she had given the patriarchy a lethal blow.

Eventually the overweight, oppressed womyn became bored and marched on to destroy the next target of the patriarchy.

Thoroughly traumatized by his experience R2-D2 drifted up Broadway for the next two weeks, depending on the kindness of strangers for food and drink.

Following a lead on his missing droid’s whereabouts Luke Skywalker found him uptown, drunk and hopeless.

“The poor guy’s been through hell” said Skywalker.

Fortunately I have his programming and memories backed  up onto this iomega zip drive. 

click click click

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I’ll just wipe him first and then restore him minus memories of the past two weeks.  I pride myself on always having backups. I’ve been using zip drives for 20 years and they haven’t let me down yet. Everyone says these drives aren’t reliable but what do they know?

As a familiar “click click click” sound was heard Skywalker realized the truth.

“Ah shit! I wonder if I can buy a replacement droid on Amazon?”

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