History’s Greatest Monster Denies the Glory That is Socialism!

This man is history's greatest monster!

This man is history’s greatest monster!

Vin Scully, long time baseball broadcaster for the Los Angeles Dodgers was stripped naked, tarred, tied to a pole and set on fire today by a crowd, angry over the disrespect he showed to the economic system known as socialism.

The trouble for the erstwhile-respected broadcaster began during a game between the Dodgers and the Milwaukee Brewers. Scully, hiding behind the first amendment, started a hate-filled tirade against socialism:

“Socialism failing to work, as it always does, this time in Venezuela. You talk about giving everybody something free and all of a sudden, there’s no food to eat. And who do you think is the richest person in Venezuela? The daughter of Hugo Chavez. Hello! Anyway, 0-and-2.”

The fallout from the old white man’s words of hate was immediate.

From Washington, President Obama declared that Scully had “acted foolishly.”

While Mr. Scully technically has the right to speak his mind, the first amendment was written in the 18th century before the advent of handheld, instantaneous communication. Our founding fathers never meant for free speech to be used as it is now. As for the substance of Mr. Scully’s argument, that socialism is a cruel system that does not lead to economic progress, I can only surmise that as a typical white person, living the typical white privilege lifestyle, he has not had an opportunity to see the many compassionate benefits of socialism Perhaps it is time he was schooled. I ask the Dodgers to suspend him until he apologizes for his offensive statements.

Encouraged by the President, the Dodgers removed Scully from the Broadcast booth between innings.

“The Dodgers do not condone hate” said the Dodgers Chairperson and controlling partner Mark Walter.

Especially in the wake of the Orlando tragedy! We pride ourselves on being an inclusive organization. We were the first team to break the color barrier when we signed Jackie Robinson. Scully’s statements do not reflect the views of the Los Angeles Dodgers and we apologize to anyone who may have been offended.

After being removed from Dodger Stadium, an angry crowd surrounded him as he attempted to flee.

“He doesn’t believe in redistribution of wealth” shouted someone in the crowd.

Scully was stripped of his clothing as he was tied to a pole and hoisted into the air.

“Let us sacrifice the dry foot so that socialism may be avenged!” the crowd began to chant.

Brush was gathered and placed around Scully and then lit on fire. As the flames danced upwards and licked his feet Scully began to cry out,”My god all I did was say socialism doesn’t work!”

This only enraged the crowd further who began to pick up rocks and pelt the burning Scully. Eventually the flames completely consumed Scully who was heard begging for mercy before finally dying.

President Obama has called for a national dialogue to heal the breach caused by Scully.

“Let us hope that hatred will never triumph” said the President.

The Dodgers have announced that Scully’s charred corpse will be left hanging as a warning to others who may doubt the economic benefits of socialism.


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    You failed to mention the racist, anti-social, global warming denying bastard was first stripped of his #42 jersey, his #42 baseball cap, his #42 coffee mug, his #42 license plate, his WWJD (what would Jackie do) wrist band and his #42 mouse pad.

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