Elmer J. Fudd Millionaire, Who Owns a Mansion and a Yacht, Under Fire for Big Game Hunting

A photo of the heartless bastard tracking down innocent animals!

A photo of the heartless bastard tracking down innocent animals!

Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire, owner of a mansion and a yacht, has gone into hiding after reports surfaced that he killed a rabbit while on a safari in Africa.

Fudd, whose whereabouts are currently unkown, feared for his life when People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals published photos of him on safari surrounded by animals he had killed, including a tiger, a lion and a beloved local rabbit known as “Bugs.”  As of today his business is temporarily closed.  Calls to the front desk were answered by a receptionist who said she had no idea when Mr. Fudd would return and directed all inquiries to his lawyer.

“The people of Zimbabwe deserve an apology” said a spokesman for PETA.

Hunting is all about control.  These white men who hunt need to feel superior in some way.  Hence there need to kill. Fudd illegally poached Bugs, drawing him out of his sanctuary, wounded him and then stalked him for forty hours before killing him.  Bugs was murdered. Fudd killed him and Fudd deserves to be extradicted to Zimbabwe to stand trial.

The president of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, announced his revulsion of big game hunters and promised to end the practice of trophy killing in his Republic.

I have seen the reports of Bugs final hours and let me tell you I haven’t been so outraged since I found out that the elephant meat I ate at my birthday celebration wasn’t gluten free! What kind of world do we live in?

In Hollywood the reaction was fierce with many Hollywood A-listers vowing never to vacation in Zimbabwe until Fudd is brought to justice.  Said Jenny McCarthy:

Zimbabwe is a state. A nation. On a continent. Could it possibly be that Fudd had no difficulty tracking Bugs because Bugs suffered from autism?And if that is the case should the vaccination of rabbits stop?  It might make them harder to kill.

Mia Farrow put out a $50,000 dollar reward for the first person who could track down Fudd and kill him.

Hunting our friends the animals must stop.  Does anyone know what Fudd’s home address is?  I’d like to Tweet it.

Legendary game show host Bob Barker was reported to be so distressed that he vowed to stop sleeping with women in their 20s until Fudd is extradited.

Let’s hope they find him quickly.  I mean I’m 90 years old. I don’t know how much time I have left.  As much as I love animals I love me some young p*ssy even more! 

The IRS has opened up an investigation into Fudd’s finances.  IRS commissioner John Koskinen vowed that no stone will be left unturned to discover any potential wrongdoing in Fudd’s tax returns.

Fortunately the IRS keeps excellent records. Our servers are the best in the world and we never delete anything.  So we have his tax records going back to 1975. We’ll find something to indict the bastard with.

Meanwhile Fudd, the object of the nation’s fury, released a statement asking for forgiveness.

I ask all Americans to rely on their natural magnanimity.  Please forgive me.  I would do anything to bring Bugs back. I am truly sorry and I apologize profusely.  I have given up big game hunting and have entered patriarchy rehab. 

The last word is from Bug’s good friend, Sylvester the Cat, himself blinded by a big game hunter.

Suffering succotash.  I told the Bugs not to go out alone!  Now he’s dead. I blame the Republicans who control congress.

Note:  That may not be the exact quote from Sylvester but we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ feel that his quote falls within the “fake but accurate”  standard of acceptance.

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2 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Maybe he killed Woger Wabbit also.

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