Bill Cosby to Star in Movie About Former Slave and Confederate Big Game Hunter Directed by Mel Gibson

Jello pudding, rape, the confederate flag and slavery!  Mm.  Delicious!

Jello pudding, rape, the confederate flag and slavery! Mm. Delicious!

It has been announced that former television star Bill Cosby has been signed to play the lead in a new movie directed by Mel Gibson.

“I’m excited to have Cosby associated with this project” said Gibson.

I’ve been looking for a comeback vehicle for a long time.  I was going to direct a biography of Sammy Davis Jr. but then I found out he was a Jew so I nixed that idea.  Then someone sent me this script about a former slave who fought for the confederacy who after the war becomes a big game hunter in Africa. I couldn’t put it down.  I loved it and knew I had to direct it.

In the movie, Cosby plays Sambo Johnson, a slave who wants to remain a slave so much he took up arms for the Confederacy against the northern aggressors, all the while wearing a special uniform made of the Confederate flag.

In the first half of the movie, Cosby’s character, concerned that the advancing Union armies will destroy his way of life offers to fight with his master.

“You give me free food and shelter and I depend on your benevolence.  You’re like the government” he tells his master.

During the climatic battle scene that ends the first half Cosby rallies the southern troops by waving the Confederate flag over his head while shouting, “As God is my witness I shall never be free again!”

In the second part of the movie, depressed by the defeat of the Confederacy and appalled by the condition of the newly-freed blacks, Cosby travels to Africa.

“I just want to shoot some big cats in the head” his character says.

While in Africa he becomes adept at hunting big game and almost drives the African lion to extinction.  In what has been called the “most exciting and graphic big game sequence ever filmed” Cosby’s character tracks a lion named “Abe Lincoln” for forty hours, wounding it first before going in for the kill.  As the wounded lion lies on the ground near death Cosby slices its throat from ear to ear, drinks the blood and then mounts and rapes the dead animal to show his dominance.

Cosby then skins the animal and fashions a jacket that is a combination of the Confederate flag and lion skin and returns to America, running for President under the banner of “States rights, murdering lions and segregation” and wins the election in a landslide.

Director Gibson then took questions from the assembled reporters.

“Do you think this movie might, um, offend people?” asked one reporter.

“What the hell kind of question is that, sugar tits” Gibson angrily responded.  “Are you a Jew? I’ll threaten ya, I’ll put you in a fucking rose garden, you cunt! You understand that? Because I’m capable of it. You understand that?”

Gibson then leaped into the audience and tackled the unfortunate reporter.

As she struggled Cosby could be heard telling Gibson, “If you need help subduing her I have some pills.”

The movie, entitled “A Black Man Skins Lions While Fighting for Slavery” is scheduled for release next summer.

Additional funding provided by Donald Trump.


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Sambo Johnson opened a chain of coffeeshops called Sambos that flourished until being exposed as hotbeds of anti-black racism. That was before American born blacks morphed into Africans.

  2. innominatus says:

    I remember Sambo’s. It was like Denny’s but the vinyl seats were colored more vibrantly.

    Oops. I said “colored”

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Greetings from Yankee stadium Inn. Watching first place Yankees against last place Red Sox

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