Being a rich man with a large penis can break many men

John Hamm, a rich man with a large penis and the star of the widely popular show “Mad Men” has completed a stint in rehab for alcohol abuse.

“It’s true” said Hamm’s agent.

My client struggled with his fame.  I remember him telling me, “I have shitloads of money, more women than I can shake a stick at and my penis is larger than Ron Jeremy’s.  But what does it get me?  Besides the money and sex I mean? There’s a void in my life.  A void I use alcohol to forget.  Well, alcohol and sex with incredibly beautiful women I’ve never seen before.”  I ask you is it any wonder he became addicted to alcohol.  How can anyone live an existence as meaningless as one with tons of money and sex.  It must be a living hell.

Sources on the set of Mad Men say that they knew something was wrong with the star of the show before he entered rehab.

“I once had a conversation with him” said a co-star.

We were talking about how the success of the show had changed our lives and he said, “before this show I was just a poor man with a large penis who had to send selfies to get women.  Now I’m a very, very rich man with a large penis and the women throw themselves at me.  Every night it’s the same thing.  Threesomes.  Just me, shitloads of money, women, and my large penis.”  Yep.  Those were his exact words.  The guy’s kind of a jerk if you ask me.

Before entering rehab Hamm had updated his Facebook status to “I have nothing to live for except my shitloads of money, large penis and abundant sex.  Alcohol is my only friend.”

Psychologists say that this is not unusual.

“It’s called ‘Oversexed man with large penis and shitloads of money’ syndrome” said one.

Many Hollywood stars have trouble adapting to shitloads of money and sex with beautiful women every night.  Many turn to alcohol to fill the void in their lives caused by having too much money and too much sex.  They secretly wish to have not so much.  Many turn to environmentalism.  And alcohol.  And sex.  Lots of it.  I usually advise my clients to enter rehab and get in touch with their inner poor nerd with average size penis who doesn’t get that much sex.  You’d be surprised how this helps them get rid of the guilt of having too much money, large penises and disposable women.

No matter the root cause of Hamm’s addiction he promises to make it up to his fans.

“All I ask is privacy at this difficult time.  Unless you’re are a hot young women. Then by all means invite a few of your hot young female friends over to have sex with me.”

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