Academic Scandal: Physicist Christmas Jones Faked Credentials and Data!

Nuclear physics is hard.

Nuclear physics is hard.

Noted nuclear physicist Christmas Jones, who among her achievements once saved Istanbul from a nuclear explosion with the help of British agent James Bond, has been exposed as a fraud.

“Naturally we were shocked” said the head of the International Association of Nuclear Physicists.

Shocked and disappointed.  I read her PhD thesis, “Nuclear Physics is Like Hard” and I thought it was a new and brilliant way of describing the field we work in to lay people.  Speaking of lay people, where is Jones?  

Hi you lonely middle aged scientists.

Hi you lonely middle aged scientists.

I want to discuss some things with her in private.  The last time I saw her she gave me a lap dance, which no other nuclear physicist has ever done.  I must say my U-238 was in danger of a core breach.  If you know what I mean.

Sources say that Christmas (pictured here)

Nuclear physicist tip well!

Nuclear physicists tip well!

was first exposed as a fraud during a convention of nuclear physicists in Las Vegas.

“I wanted to talk to her in private.  About her paper” said an attendee.

I asked her to come back to my hotel room so she could show me her figure. Figures I mean.  Figures from her paper. Show me her body.  Her body of work I mean. I asked her how she first got into the nuclear field and did being around fissionable material excite her.  She said she liked it when I talked dirty and then gave me a lap dance.  That’s something no other nuclear physicist has ever done by the way.

Another physicist tells of an strange late night encounter with Jones.

I was in my lonely studio apartment, feeding my cat when there was a knock at my door.  I opened it and it was Miss Jones. She had a wet t shirt on.

Nuclear physics excite me and makes my nipples hard

Nuclear physics excite me and makes my nipples hard

She said she had gotten caught in the rain.  I thought this was a bit odd since I live in the desert but I invited her in.  I noticed that her nipples were erect, probably from the cold water, and I asked her if she wanted another t shirt.  She said no. Instead she gave me a lap dance, which no other nuclear physicist has ever done before by the way.

Once her credentials were called into question Dr. Jones was called in front of the regulatory board to defend herself.

We asked her if she had anything to say to those who doubted that she was a nuclear physicist.  She said yes, then she stripped off her clothes to reveal a bathing suit.

You boys look like you need to get wet.

You boys look like you need to get wet.

She then gave us all lap dances. No other nuclear physicist has ever given me a lap dance.  What was I to say?

After giving lap dances to the entire regulatory board Dr. Jones, or whomever she is, departed.

A police investigation revealed that Dr. Christmas Jones was actually an exotic dancer from Florida named “Barbie Jones

Do not let this woman give you a lap dance!

Do not let this woman give you a lap dance!

who was forced to flee the state after ripping off elderly men to the tune of $750,000.

“She does this.  She assumes an identity, finds lonely men and takes their money” said a detective.

There are rumors that Jones, having made millions giving lonely nuclear physicists lap dances, has now decided to target bloggers.

“The jokes on her” said the blogger known as Manhattan Infidel.  “I have no money.  But if she wants to stop by my studio and give me a lap dance

Hi Manhattan Infidel, would you like a lap dance?

Hi Manhattan Infidel, would you like a lap dance?

I won’t object.  I just hope she’s not allergic to cats.”

Men are advised to steer clear of Miss Jones.

Want a lap dance?

Want a lap dance?

If they have the willpower.

(3197)

5 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    Doesn’t a lap dance leave a carbon footprint?

  2. She gives new meaning to” Let’s get Physical”. ( I spell good, too.)

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