The Progressive Annotated Declaration of Independence (Part IV)

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

And now for Part IV of my award-winning  thank god no one reads my blog or the government would be all over me series The Progressive Annotated Declaration of Independence.  I do this to help our progressive friends better understand this difficult, old and obscure document.

  • He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies [1] without the Consent of our legislatures [2].
  • He has affected to render the Military [3] independent of and superior to the Civil power.
  • He has combined with others [4] to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, [5] and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation.
  • For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us: [6]
  • For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States: [7]
  • For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world: [8]
  • For imposing  [9] Taxes [10] on us without our Consent: [11]
  • For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury: [12]
  • For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences [13]


  1. Isn’t it a great thing where we can live in a country where gays, lesbians and transgendered can serve openly in our military?  That’s what we should be talking about and not keeping standing armies among us, which is a phony scandal concocted by Republicans.
  2. Since when does Barack Obama have to consent to legislatures?  You conservatives just don’t understand our system of government.
  3. See note 1.  Also I forgot to mention that Muslims serve openly in our military.  This is a great thing for our country.  If they shoot up fellow soldiers it’s because they were bullied by Christians.
  4. The United Nations is not an “other.”  It is a legitimate body that all Americans owe their primary allegiance to.
  5. The Constitution is a flawed and out of date document.  The United Nations is more compassionate and better able to guide Americans into the glory of worldwide socialism.
  6. Fortunately with the advent of drone technology we will  no longer need to quarter troops with the American people.  Instead will simply kill gun owners and other undesirables with surgical drone strikes.
  7. Americans have no right to protest against the military, which I remind conservatives, enables gay, lesbians and transgendered to serve openly.  Only in Afghanistan and Iraq will our troops be held accountable and delivered over to local authorities for crimes committed.
  8. We shouldn’t trade with Israel anyway.  It’s a racist apartheid state that oppresses the Religion of Peace™.
  9. The government does not “impose.”  It is benevolent and only asks obedience and subservience in return.
  10. The desire to lower ones taxes or not pay taxes is Prima Facie evidence of racism.  As such you objection is irrelevant.
  11. The Supreme Court has ruled in the case of the Affordable Care Act that we can impose taxes without your consent.   No wait, it’s a fine not a tax.  I get confused sometimes.
  12. Trial by jury is racist and lets white Hispanics like George Zimmerman kill black children. Hence, trial by jury is not a good in itself and must be phased out.
  13. The nation state is a flawed concept cherished by insular Americans.  Those who are guilty under the laws of the UN or other nations deserve to be transported overseas. Come on America, don’t be so stupid.  Let’s be more like the European Union.

(End of Part IV)


5 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    The most important job in any future military incursions will be driving the vasoline truck.
    Our armed forces new motto: Never leave your friend’s behind.

  2. jenny says:

    this series is quite funny (as are all your posts– but this one gets special props) (not that I’m some props-giving agency of any sort of repute… but for whatever it’s worth…)

  3. I don’t get it. The call themselves progressives. Their mmotto is “foreward” and yet they are leading us backwards to feudal-fascism. Are they all brain dead?

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