The Progressive Annotated Declaration of Independence (Part II)

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

I now continue my progressive improvement of the Declaration of Independence (that hate-filled document of white patriarchy and heteronormatism.)

But when a long train [1] of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, [2] it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards [3] for their future security.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies [4]; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government.

The history of the present King of Great Britain [5] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny [6] over these States. 

To prove this, let Facts [7] be submitted to a candid world.

  • He has refused his Assent to Laws, [8] the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
  • He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, [9] unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them. [10]
  • He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, [11] unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only. [12]


  1. Train.  Shouldn’t we all be taking public transportation? Or do you enjoy seeing polar bears drown?
  2. Jefferson here errors in not distinguishing between benevolent despotism and bad despotism.  Bad despotism being the rule of the white man as envisioned in the Constitution. Good despotism being the rule of one enlightened and progressive oligarchic figure such as President Obama.
  3. As long as the southern border stays open so more future Democratic voters can enter.
  4. Much like Puerto Rico is an oppressed colony of the United States, the colonies considered themselves oppressed by the King.  Why?  Because they were conservative gun nuts who wanted their taxes lowered. 
  5. Will and Kate are so sexy!  If only they were around then maybe we would not have felt the need to rebel. After all, it’s been proven that if you are sexy you are good.  The science is settled on this.
  6. See note 2.  Absolute tyranny?  MSNBC says that it works for China.  Why can’t it work here?  Perhaps Jefferson was obsessed with tyranny because he was concerned the King would free the slaves.
  7. Jefferson lived in a world without MSNBC and the mainstream media.  We progressives do not need facts.  In fact we laugh in the face of facts.  If it makes us feel good about ourselves, that is our “fact.”
  8. Today President Obama finds himself in a similar situation.  Imagine him as the King trying to circumvent the reactionary and racist colonies, or “congress” as we call it today. Progressives do not need the small and petty machinery of law.  Sometimes a progressive has to go outside the law to enforce the higher truth of the law.
  9. The governors of many states oppose President Obama’s will and believe in a so-called system of “federalism” where the States maintain their rights.  I ask you how can the progressive agenda be established under Federalism?  The answer is to forbid the governors of States from passing laws opposed to the will of the President.
  10. Oh come on.  Sometimes a man just has to fly to Florida to play a couple rounds of golf!
  11. What is this Republican preoccupation with the law?  It is the spirit of progressivism that gives life.  The letter of the law kills.  You Jesus-freak conservatives should recognize where that quote comes from.
  12. See notes 2 and 6.  Boy this Jefferson, what a character.  He really was a hate-filled right wing tea party sympathizer wasn’t he?  I bet he probably owned an assault rifle the jerk.

(End of Part II)


2 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    So then, the Chris Matthew public service ads on MSLSD touting Thomas Paine and the founding fathers as the embodiments of the progressive movement are spot on.

  2. You sound like the president of the teachers union. Are you a treasonous Tea Party infiltrator? I’m going to be keeping my eye on you, Infidel. ( I’m blind in that eye , so don’t worry.)

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