The Annotated Declaration of Independence (Part I)

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

Like most Americans I celebrated the Fourth of July by asking the government for more free stuff.  But between having my hand out and bemoaning my white privilege it did get me to thinking about Thomas Jefferson’s Declaration of Independence.  The document is over 100 years old and hasn’t aged well.  It suffers from white privilege and eurocentricism.

Given its many faults I thought I’d try my progressive hand at making this document more relevant for Americans today.  And so in the next couple of posts I will be annotating and improving the document for the modern reader.

When in the Course of hu[person] (1) events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, [probably because of racist Republicans,] (2) and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God (3) entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of [person]kind (4) requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths (5) to be self-evident, that all men, [women and transgendered] (6) are created equal, that they are endowed by [the spirit of the universe] (7) with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life [for those who have already been dewombed ](8), [Equality] (9) and the pursuit of Happiness [through sex with anyone they want].(10)

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, [women and transgendered] (11), deriving their just powers from [the benevolence of the state.] (12)

That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness [and redistribution of wealth.] (13)

[Prudence,] (14) indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient (15) causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind(16) are more disposed to suffer, while [evils] (17) are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

  1. The original document says “human.”  I’m sure the patriarchal language embarrassed even Jefferson but he was constrained by right-wingers in the continental congress.
  2. Not in the original document.  I have added it because doing so makes me feel good about myself.
  3. There is no God, much less “natures’ God.”  Go hug a tree for Christ’s sake.
  4. The original document reads “opinions of mankind.” Again, I apologize for the patriarchal language.  It reeks of heteronormalcy.
  5. Truth?  Truth implies value judgments.  We in the 21st Century have moved beyond judgments.
  6. The phrase” women and transgendered” is not in the original document.  I blame 18th century hate.
  7. The original uses “Creator” instead of spirit of the universe.  I have made this change because “Creator” smacks of patriarchy.
  8. The Declaration only mentions the right to life, which is a hot-button issue and might lead to trigger warnings.  I have added the phrase “for those who have already been dewombed” for the purpose of clarity.
  9. The Declaration has “liberty” but liberty leads to income inequality. Equality much better exemplifies the inner spirit of the document.
  10. Sexual pleasure is not in the document.  I have added it because I am nonjudgmental. And I like it rough.
  11. See notes 1, 4, 6.
  12. The Declaration reads “consent of the governed.”  This is a racist phrase and denies the role of our elite in shaping climate change policy.
  13. The phrase “redistribution of wealth” is not in the original.  But how can people be happy with income inequality?
  14. Prudence should be eliminated since the Catholic church considers prudence to be one of the cardinal virtues.  And the church is mean.
  15. In the Declaration transient, unfortunately, does not refer to the plight of undocumented migrants on our southern border.  Thinking about the plight of undocumented migrants on our southern border makes me feel good about myself.
  16. See notes 1, 4, 6 and 11.
  17. Evil is an admittedly controversial phrase.  If Jefferson was referring to moral evil then the phrase must be struck.  Moral evil implies judgment.  The only evil that exists is income inequality.  And the patriarchy.  And penis in vagina sex. Now penis in vagina sex can be considered a moral evil.  But that is the only exception to the “no judgments” rule.

(End of Part I)


4 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    Hey Infidel, while you’re at it, how about lowering the age of puberty?

  2. “And so in the next couple of posts I will be annotating and improving the document for the modern reader.”

    What about your not so modern readers? We WASPs are in endanger of exstinction. Where are our special rights? The Founders promised us our white privilege. I never got mine. I want it and I want it now!

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