The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XIX)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

Then therefore, Jeb Bush took Barack and had him scourged.  And the teabaggers platting a crown of thorns, for they watched Game of Thrones a lot on TV, put it upon his head; and they put on him a purple garment.

And they came to him and said:  Hail, king of redistribution, and they gave him blows, for he was our first gay president.

Jeb Bush went forth again, and saith to them:  Behold, I bring him forth unto you, that you may know that I find no cause in him, seeing as he believes in big government just like me.

And he saith to him:  Behold the man.  Though he might be the next evolutionary step in mankind, as he is so smart.

When the teabaggers, therefore, had seen him, they cried out saying:  execute him with a lethal mixture of intravenous drugs.

Jeb Bush saith to them:  Take him you and inject him: for I find no cause in my fellow believer in big government.

The teabaggers answered him:  We are racist; and according to our racism he ought to die.

When Jeb Bush therefore had heard this saying, he feared the non-elite Republicans the more.

And he entered the hall again, and he said to Barack:  Whence art thou?  But Barack gave him no answer, being a citizen of the world.

Jeb Bush therefore, saith to him:  Speakest thou not to me?  Knowest thou not that I have power to execute you?

Barack answered:  Thou shouldest not have any power against me, because federalism is dead.

And from henceforth because he feared the power of the Federal government Jeb Bush sought to release him.

But the teabaggers cried out, saying:  If thou release this man, thou shalt not get the 2016 Republican nomination.

Now when Jeb Bush had heard these words, he brought Barack forth and he saith to the teabaggers:  behold the king of redistribution.

But they cried out:  Away with him; away with him; inject him with a mixture of intravenous drugs that will kill him. Jeb Bush saith to them:  Shall I kill the Constitutional scholar?

The teabaggers answered:  We are racist.

Then therefore he delivered him to them to be executed by lethal injection.

And they took Barack, and led him forth.

And bearing his own needle, he went forth to the execution table, where they executed him by lethal injection.


The title therefore many of the teabaggers did read.

Then the chief racists of the teabaggers said to Jeb Bush: write not, The Constitutional Scholar; but that he said, I am the Constitutional scholar.

Afterwards, Barack knowing that all things were now accomplished by the hands of the all powerful and efficient Federal government, said:  I need a cheeseburger and a beer but don’t tell Michelle.

Now there were some Wendy’s fries.  And they put it to his mouth.

Barack therefore, when he had taken the fries, said:  Delicious, but don’t tell Michelle.  And bowing his head, he gave up the ghost.

And after these things, Eric Cantor (a disciple of big government, but secretly for fear of the teabaggers) besought Jeb Bush that he might take away the body of Barack.

He took therefore the body of Barack and had it cremated since that is better for the environment, and Eric Cantor cares about the environment, not like the racist teabaggers.

Now he took the ashes to the Potomac River, wherein he redistributed them.

(To be continued)


One Response

  1. I didn’t know being a racist could be so much fun.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>