The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XV)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

I am the true vine approved by the Federal Government.  Every branch in me that beareth not fruit, will be audited, and every one that beareth fruit, will be purged, that it may bring forth more fruit.

Now you are clean, because you are my friends.  As crony capitalism cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abide with me, so neither can you, unless you abide in me.

I am the vine: you are the branches.  For without me you can do nothing.  And I will make sure the IRS audits you if you oppose me.

If you abide in me and my decrees abide in you, you shall ask of the Federal Government whatever you will:  and it shall be done unto you because you are my friend.

If anyone abide not in me, he shall be cast forth from the friendship of the Federal Government and the IRS shall gather him up and cast him into the fire: and he burneth and shall be audited.

As the father has loved me, I think, I only met him once or twice, I also have loved you.  Abide in my love.  If you support me politically, you shall abide in my love (just don’t tell Michelle).  

These things I have spoken to you because I love giving speeches.  I’m better at it than governing.

This is my commandment, that you love the Federal Government, as I have loved the Federal Government.  

Greater love than this no man hath, that a man pay more taxes to the Federal Government for the redistribution of income.

You are my servants, if you do the things I command you.  I will not now call you friends.  I will now call you servants.

You have not chosen me:  but I have chosen you: that you should give your money to the Federal Government, and your money should bring forth fruit.

Whatsoever you ask of the Federal Government in my name, it will be given you.  As long as you continue to vote Democratic.

These things I command you.  For I am the President and can do whatever I want.

If the world hate you, know ye, that it hath hated me before you.  Because I am black.

Remember the word that I said to you:  the servant, meaning you, is not greater than the master, meaning the Federal Government.

He that hateth me, hateth me because I am black and he is a racist.

If I had not done among them the works that no other man had done, such as the Affordable Care Act, they would not sin; but now they have both seen the Affordable Care Act work and hated me for they are racist.

But that the word may be fulfilled which is written at MSNBC: They hated me without case because I am black.

But when the Federal marshals come, whom I will send, they shall give testimony of me.

And you shall give testimony.  Or I will call you racist.

(To be continued)


One Response

  1. No doubt about it. I’m going to Obamahell. At least I’ll be with people I like.

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