Wolfman Fired!

Larry Talbot was a disruptive force in the workplace

Larry Talbot was a disruptive force in the workplace

Larry Talbot was dismissed today from his job in the ad sales department of a publishing company.

“We had no choice” said the company’s director of Human Resources.  “He was really starting to create a problem for us.”

Things changed for Talbot, formerly considered a rising star in the company, shortly after he purchased a silver-headed walking stick decorated with a wolf.  Said a receptionist:

Creepy villagers started dropping by the office asking for him.  When I asked them what they wanted all they said was “Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayer by night may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.” Like, what the f*ck does that mean?

Then one day Talbot showed up late for work, covered in blood and wearing the same clothes he did the day before.

We were nervous and worried that he might have murdered someone.  But he comes from money.  He has an ancestral home in Wales and all that so we cut him some slack.

Talbot was forgiven and resumed his job in the office.  But things quickly turned bad again.

We were working on this project and we asked him to stay late one day.  He said he couldn’t.  He pleaded with us saying, “Please.  I can’t stay late.  When the moon comes out I turn into a wolf.”  Well, we reported this to HR and they told him in no uncertain terms to lay off the sexually charged language.

Already on thin ice and tagged as a sexual predator disrespectful of the women Talbot was finally let go after what co-workers call “The Day Talbot Lost his Shit.”

Forced to work late Talbot nervously excused himself and went to the bathroom.  When he came out he was naked and covered head to toe in fur.

Larry Talbot prepares to violate company policy

Larry Talbot prepares to violate company policy

Damn if he didn’t look like Dan Hedaya.  I mean this dude was hairy.  Then he grabbed a co-workers neck and started biting, which is serious violation of the company code of ethics. Blood was gushing out of the poor guy. Then he starts howling.  We followed him into the kitchen where he opened the refrigerator and ate all our lunches.  He ate our f*cking lunches!

Unfortunately for Talbot stealing a coworker’s lunch is a fireable offense.

We could live with the hairiness, neck biting and penile-caused mannish behavior as long as he did his job.  But eating someone else’s lunch just displays an appalling lack of character.

He was escorted out of the building by security and told never to return again.

Talbot is currently suing his former employer for back wages, claiming that his behavior was the result of “Dehydration and being bitten by a werewolf.”

“Let’s see him try and win that” said a former co-worker.  “Dehydration?  Come on!  He was drinking water all the time.”



2 Responses

  1. Infidel, you need to do an interview with the real wolfman, Wolfman Jack. He made rock and roll rock, baby!

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