I do not make sacrifices. The people make sacrifices for me!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the honor and privilege of interviewing the first lady of the United States, Michelle Obama herself.  I sat down with her in her hotel suite at the Shelbourne hotel in Dublin to discuss how she likes being first lady.

MI: Good afternoon Mrs. Obama.

MO: Are you addressing me?

MI: Yes.  Mrs. Obama I’d like to ask you – 

MO: Are you royalty?

MI: No.  I’m a reporter.

MO: Then you may address me by my title:  Consort of his Holiness the Benevolent Barack Obama, all holy, all wise, ruler of the vast domains of the American Empire.

MI: Um.  That’s not your title. 

MO: Yes it is.  You shall address me by it or I shall have you buried alive.

MI: Okay.  Let’s talk about your trip to Ireland.  It will reportedly cost the American people 5.2 million for two days abroad.  You and your retinue of 30 are staying in $3,500 a night suites in the Shelbourne Hotel.  Yet your husband – 

MO: His Holiness the Benevolent Barack Obama, all Holy, All Wise, Ruler of the Vast Domains of the American Empire.

MI:  Yeah, that’s not his title either.

MO: Your questions are beneath my dignity as a consort.

MI: [Sigh].  Anyway.  Your husband said, and I quote “To meet our fiscal challenge we will need to make reforms.  We will all need to make sacrifices.”   As I said your trip will cost the taxpayers 5.2 million for two days.  You have 30 people following your every whim who are staying in suites that most people would not be able to afford.  Doesn’t this all come back to making reforms?  Do you think this reflects well on a republic to have its elected leader and his wife travelling with a retinue and surrounded by luxuries that would make a divine right monarch envious?

MO: [Silence]

MI: Mrs. Obama?

MO:  YOU SHALL ADDRESS ME AS CONSORT OF HIS HOLINESS BARACK OBAMA, ALL HOLY, ALL WISE, RULER OF THE VAST DOMAINS OF THE AMERICAN EMPIRE!!

MI: Okay.  This interview is going nowhere.  Mrs. Obama – 

MO:  I shall order your death.  Death by boats.  A painful torture.  You shall be stripped naked and placed inside two hollowed out tree trunks with your legs and feet protruding.  You will then be forced to ingest milk and honey until you have a bowel movement or diarrhea.  More honey will be rubbed on your body to attract flies. You shall then be left to float in a stagnant pond.  This will attract even more insects who will feed on your body and they will burrow into your flesh.  

MI:  Yeah, I’ll just let myself out.

MO: Don’t turn your back on me.  I am the consort of his holiness Barack Obama – 

MI: Can’t hear you.  Listening to my iPod.  Bye.

And so I left Mrs. Obama in her hotel suite.  Imagine trying to scare me with “The Boats.”  That’s just a typical fishing trip for me.  Minus the beer.

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