Benghazi: The Movie!

Remember, it was a youtube video

Remember, it was a youtube video

Through my sources I have learned that Hollywood has greenlighted a motion picture version of the events in Benghazi on September 11, 2012.

Produced by Harvey Weinstein, the movie, tentatively entitled “Presidential Command Decision” will begin lensing in September with a scheduled release in the summer of 2014.

I have been given an advance copy of the script and I must say it promises to be the most honest portrayal of politicians on the silver screen in years.

The movie will star Denzel Washington as President Obama, Angelina Jolie as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Sean Bean as Ambassador Christopher Stevens.

Said Weinstein:

We originally wanted Sean Penn to play the role of President Obama but Penn refused to shave his mustache.  Angelina was an obvious choice to play Clinton and for the role of Ambassador Stevens we needed someone who is comfortable dying on screen.  We immediately thought of Bean since he seems to die in every movie he makes.  I mean really, did you see how many arrows he took from the Urak Hai in the Fellowship of the Ring?

I will now share with my readers a few key scenes.

The movie begins with a soliloquy by Ambassador Stevens:

My name is Ambassador Christopher Stevens and this is my story. I am the American Ambassador to Libya, a peaceful country in a peaceful corner of the peaceful Muslim world.  The anniversary of the 9/11 attacks is fast approaching.  Yet I feel absolutely no need to ask for additional security.  None whatsoever.  President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have often asked me if I need more security.  I have turned them down every time.  What need do I have for security in a land dominated by the religion of peace?

The film then quickly moves to the attack on the embassy.  From his office Ambassador Stevens sends out one last cable:

Tell the President to have the military stand down.  A military presence would only inflame tensions.  I don’t know yet who is attacking but you can be sure it isn’t Muslims.  This is just a hunch but I suspect Methodist missionaries.

From the Oval Office President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton discuss their options:

Obama:  If there was only something I could do to save this brave man’s life.  But my hands are tied.  He specifically refused security or a rapid response strike team to come to his rescue.

Clinton: He is a brave man.  A martyr. I just wish he had asked for more security. 

Obama:  Indeed.  But like most of us he probably didn’t realize just how dangerous Presbyterians could be.

Clinton: I though he said he was being attacked by Methodists.

Obama: Whatever.  It’s white people clinging to religion.

From a military base in Italy central high command receives the stand down order.

General: Stand down?  Stand down?  Are they kidding?  Don’t they know how dangerous Baptists can be?

Aide: I thought he was being attacked by Catholics?

General:  Whatever.  Same thing.  It’s Christians.  It’s always Christians.

The film ends with a moving scene where Obama and Clinton watch as Ambassador Steven’s body is unloaded from a transport plane.

Obama: Why? Why is there such violence in the world?

Clinton: What difference does it make? Personally, I blame youtube.

Obama: I vow to dedicate the rest of my term to making sure that another American isn’t killed by rioting Episcopalians.

Clinton: But I thought he was killed by Lutherans?

Obama: Lutherans?  Well that makes sense.  They are a vicious people.

Clinton: You know Lutherans kill dogs and drink their blood!

Obama: I thought that was the Pennsylvania Dutch?

I for one cannot wait to see this movie.  And I’m sure my readers will want to see it as well.




2 Responses

  1. What a bunch of idiots! Everyone knows that the only violent Christians in that part of the world are the Coptic Christians. They are always burning down mosques and cutting the heads off Muslims. Obama should drone the hell of them!

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