The State Department Wants You!

Join the State Department and party like it's 1999!

Join the State Department and party like it’s 1999!

Note:  Through my sources in the government I watch The West Wing I have discovered that the following email will be sent out to all college graduates.

Have you considered a career in the State Department?  While not as glamorous as a career in the NSA we at the State Department like to think of ourselves as the “Party Hardy” branch of the government.  Just ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I want to serve the United States in important positions overseas?
  • Do I want access to top quality European porn?
  • Do I like European prostitutes?
  • Would I enjoy sexually assaulting locals?
  • Would I enjoy ditching my security detail to have sex with underage girls?

If you answered yes to these questions then the State Department would like to hear from you.

The State Department:  Serving America and our employee’s libidos for two centuries.

Corporate Culture is what it is all about.  We aren’t the NSA:  A bunch of drab, humorless careerists who only want to datamine your personal information. Have you ever been to an NSA Christmas party? B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ring.  Not so life at the State Department.  Just look at our Secretary.  He has party animal written all over him.

...Old time rock and roll

…Old time rock and roll

Eat my waves, NSA!

Eat my waves, NSA!

Duck season!  Rabbit season!

Duck season! Rabbit season!

Have you heard his latest plan for peace in the Mideast?  Come on.  Don’t tell us we aren’t the Department with a sense of humor.  But don’t take our word for it.  Listen to the testimonials of State Department employees:

Howard Gutman, US Ambassador to Belgium:

Never let your so-called security detail stop you from having fun

Never let your so-called security detail stop you from having fun

“Sure I have a so-called security detail but that’s just in case a Christian suicide bomber tries to kill me.  As ambassador I am allowed to ditch security so that I can solicit sexual favors from prostitutes and minors.  IN YOUR FACE NSA!”

Chuck Lisenbee, Beirut Regional Security Office:

“I joined the State Department for one reason:  All the sex.  Do you know how many local security guards I have sexually assaulted?  And I’ve done it all over the world.  Beirut, Baghdad, Khartoum, Monrovia. You name it.  I’ve banged it. Do you think you’re going to get that type of action in the NSA?”

And how about Former Secretary Hillary Clinton’s entire security detail?  They all hired prostitutes while traveling with Hillary in Russia and Columbia. In fact the unofficial slogan of Hillary’s detail was “The Blue Dress Brigade”, a tribute to Monica Lewinsky.

Do you think you’re going to get this kind of action in the NSA?  That said if you receive any offers in the mail from them, tear it up!

Don’t you wish your employer was hot like us?

Don’t you wish your employer was a freak like us?

Don’t cha?

Don’t cha?

Don’t you wish your employer was raw like us?

Don’t you wish your employer was fun like us?

Don’t cha?

Don’t cha?

So join the State Department now.  And don’t worry about being held accountable for your actions.  As a federal employee you are above the law!

We hope to see you soon at our recruitment kegger!

And there you have it readers.  I for one will be quitting this blog to sign up with the State Department.  I hope they send me to Japan.  Japanese women are hot.



4 Responses

  1. Yoo hoo! Yoo hoo! I have a college degree. Can I have a job with the State Department of Prostituion? (Do college degrees have an expiration date? Mine is a tad old.) I wonder if they offer on-the-job training? Do they pay for overtime?

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Jim: The State Department is very interested in Venezuelan women so expect a call from them soon.

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