Please answer all our questions

Good morning.

It has come to our attention at the Internal Revenue Service that you recently had a medical procedure performed (the removal of a gallbladder.)

As you may be aware the IRS is in charge of administering the Affordable Care Act.  Under the authority granted to us by Congress please answer our questions.  Please be informed that failure to comply is a federal offense punishable by up to ten (10) years in jail and a fine of $250,000 U.S. dollars.

• Why was your gallbladder removed?
• Was it removed because of an unhealthy lifestyle?

Note:  While many in the medical community differ on why gallstones form we here at the IRS believe it is because of high cholesterol.  Please give us a list of your meals for the past month.  If we find that you have been eating too much meat we will have to disallow insurance coverage.

• Do you drive to work?
• If so, how many miles is your commute?

Note:  If the IRS finds that your commute to work is acceptably small (as defined on page 2,648 paragraph three subparagraph two of the Affordable Care Act) we will disallow further coverage until you bicycle to work.

• Do you live outside a metropolitan area?
• If so, why?

Note:  In this age of dangerous climate change all citizens must do their most to help our planet heal.  As defined on page 3,421 paragraph two clause four living in rural areas without access to public transportation will be considered reason to forfeit medical coverage under the morals and community living clause.  If you wish to know more about the morals and community living clause please ask your congressman for a copy of the last Democratic Party Platform.  If after viewing this platform you refuse to move to a metropolitan area with access to high speed rail your employer may be contacted.

• When you were in the hospital to undergo your procedure did you pray?
• Was your prayer to a Judeo-Christian God?
• Why?

Note:  Under the Affordable Care Act  as defined on page 5,117 paragraph three subparagraph one clause four “any and all religious observances must be cleared to ensure that they do not conflict with the values of the state.” 

• Did you clear your religious observance with the Federal Government?
• If no, please detail the content of your prayers.

Note:  If the content of your prayer is deemed offensive to the State you will be denied further coverage and will be fined.

• Please detail your opinions on the following subjects:

1. Same sex marriage.
2. The so-called “Tea Party“.
3. President Barack Obama.  Specifically:

• Are you a supporter of President Obama?
• Are there any of his policies you oppose.  And if so, why?
• Are you a racist?

• Do you own a firearm?
• If so, why?
• Is the aforementioned firearm stored in a secure location?
• Does it allow more than seven bullets?

We at the IRS appreciate the time you will take to answer this form.  If you have any questions or concerns please contact us.

Note:  If your answers are deemed insufficient you may be asked to visit an IRS office near you.

Have a nice day.

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