The Leaks of Leon Panetta

Mayor McCheese sent tweets of his penis

Mayor McCheese sent tweets of his penis

Following the shocking and unprecedented totally expected news that it was Leon Panetta himself who leaked the details of the raid that killed Osama Bin Laden I have used my investigative skills tell me what I want to know or I’ll photoshop more photos of you to compile a partial list of Leon Panetta’s other leaks.  Remember, this is only a partial list.

And so for the edification of my readers here is the list:  (Remember, I am Manhattan Infidel.  Twice as trustworthy as CNN and without the heartburn of having to listen to Piers Morgan.)

  • Leaking the name of the Seal team who killed Bin Laden and the identity of its ground commander.
  • Leaking the identity of Deep Throat during Watergate
  • Leaking the identity of the Walrus

“I feel a little guilty about that one” said Panetta.  “But Pete Best kept asking me who the walrus was.  He was really pestering me.  I felt sorry for him.  I mean the other Beatles were making millions and screwing models and Pete was working his shift at the bread factory.  What would you have done?”

  • Leaking the identity of Monica Lewinsky to reporters
  • Leaking who shot JR.

“Come on.  I can’t get blamed for that.  Everyone knew it was Sue Ellen’s scheming sister Kristin.  Right?  I mean it couldn’t have been one of the stars because then they’d have to go to jail.  Kristin was a disposable character.  Let’s say that Bobby shot him?  That’s painting yourself into a hole.  What are they going to do?  Have him come out the shower and pretend it was all a dream?”

  • Leaking to Charlie Sheen in the early 1980s a possible location to buy cocaine and pick up hookers.

“He seemed trustworthy.  He’s an actor!  Who ever heard of an actor getting addicted to an illegal substance.  Well, actually I heard a rumor that Randolph Mantooth was addicted to coyote semen.  But he’s the exception.”

  •  Leaking to the Japanese Royal Navy the exact location of every ship in Pearl Harbor.

“It’s the Japanese for Christ’s sake!  The people who gave us Pink Lady, Godzilla and an entire porn sub-genre involving women in body casts. If you can’t trust them who can you trust?”

  • Leaking to Leon Czolgosz where President McKinley would be on September 6, 1901.

“I told him that President McKinley would be in the Temple of Music in Buffalo and that he should go there if he wanted to see him.  Besides Czolgosz was an anarchist not a teabagger. How was I to know he’d shoot him?”

  • Leaking to John Wilkes Booth that President Lincoln would be at Ford’s Theater on the night of April 14, 1865.

“He’s an actor!  And when was the last time an actor did something stupid?”

  • Leaking to Ulysses S. Grant’s commander in the early 1850s the fact that Grant was drinking on duty.

“That’s a serious violation of military protocol.  Besides, Grant was never going to amount to anything.”

  • Leaking to Aaron Burr the fact that Alexander Hamilton wanted to fight a duel with him.

“I hated Burr.  So I told him that Hamilton wanted to fight him.  Besides, how could Hamilton lose?”

  • Leaking to Eve the exact location of the forbidden fruit that brought the knowledge of good and evil.

“Bitch had it coming.  She was all, ‘Look at me.  I’m sinless and innocent.  I’m so superior to you.’  Shit, she’s lucky that’s all I did.”

And there you have it my loyal and treasured readers I’m tracking your IP history.  If you don’t visit me then I’m really going to release those photos.  A partial list of Leon Panetta’s history of perfidy.









4 Responses

  1. ” I am Manhattan Infidel. Twice as trustworthy as CNN…”

    Yeah, but two times zero is still zero.

    That panetta has been around, hasn’t he?

  2. Bob Agard says:

    I hope you don’t mind that I sent that Garden of Eden link to my ex. She equates me with Satan, when I am actually just a minor leaker on the world’s stage.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>