Your Obama Scandal Template™

Nothing to see here.  Move along.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

With the many scandals now surrounding the Obama administration many have asked yours truly to stop texting them photos of my penis when I will apply my world famous templates to this.  Always willing to listen to my public except when they get restraining orders I now present for your edification the Obama Scandal Template™.

The IRS is accused of inappropriately targeting your political opponents

  1. Humbly ask the American people for forgiveness.  After all, you are the President.  The buck stops with you
  2. Deny any and all knowledge of anything the IRS may or may not have done
  3. Blame it on low level staffers at the Cincinnati office
  4. Fire the acting head of the IRS (who was due to resign anyway)
  5. Republicans are so racist

On the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks The U.S. ambassador to Libya was killed by a mob

  1. Unfortunate. But that hero knew the risks and gave his life in the line of duty.
  2. If only he had asked for more security
  3. Seriously.  I don’t know why he didn’t ask for more security
  4. Obviously it was a youtube video.  Islam is the religion of peace
  5. I would expect racist Republicans to try to score political points on this

The Justice Department has seized the phone records of the Associated Press

  1. This has been the most transparent administration in history
  2. Obtaining the phone records was necessary for national security
  3. Seriously.  We wish we didn’t have to do it but lives were at stake
  4. Chump don’t talk trash about Obama chump won’t get no trash
  5. So we took some phone records.  It was necessary to root out teabaggers – the real terrorists

Let’s go back to Benghazi for a moment.  Records show that Ambassador Christopher Stevens repeatedly asked for more security in the months leading up to the attack

  1. Islam is the Religion of Peace.
  2. Like I mentioned earlier, it was that damned youtube video
  3. Fortunately the man who made the video is in jail. Free speech? Bah!  Not if it insults the Prophet!
  4. I do not believe you when you say he asked for more security.  Your sources are wrong
  5. If only those racist Republicans would be nicer to Muslims.  Maybe this wouldn’t have happened

Let’s go back to the IRS for a moment.  Staffers in the Cincinnati office say they didn’t have the authority to target conservative groups on their own and that the orders came from very high up

  1. I see what you’re trying to do here.  Sow doubt as to the honesty of President Obama.  Well, it won’t work
  2. Hope and change!
  3. Obama called me the other day at home.  Me!  Oh god he likes me!
  4. Are you honestly saying teabaggers deserve constitutional protection?  Need I remind you our president is a constitutional scholar.  Besides, the constitution was written a hundred years ago or something.  No one knows what it means
  5. Nixon did it!  Take that you racist Republicans

And there you have it.  The Obama Scandal Template™.

No thanks are necessary.  I’m just doing my job so the MSM won’t have to.



2 Responses

  1. You might want to add one more:

    If the press did their jobs faster, the President woud learn of these things faster.

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