Due to the budget cuts slight decrease in increased spending mandated by the sequester it has been announced that Fleet Week 2013  has officially been cancelled for New York City.

“Sadly this is true” New York mayor Michael Bloomberg informed reporters.

Because the teabaggers forced draconian budget cuts slight decrease in increased spending upon the American people Fleet Week has been cancelled this year.  I suppose its for the best.  My communications director informs me that sailors like to swallow and as you know 32 ounce big gulps are banned in this city. So the sailors will have to do their swallowing somewhere else.

New York City merchants, who normally look forward to upwards of 20 million in spending that Fleet Week brings to the city are devastated.

“I depend on Fleet Week every year to make a profit” said one local merchant.  “Now that it’s cancelled it’s back to laundering money for the mob, I guess.”

“I blame the teabaggers for forcing budget cuts slight decrease in increased spending“ said another.  “God damn the teabaggers!”

“New York City without Fleet Week is like Chicago without record levels of gun violence or San Francisco without smelly naked old hippies in the street” said a third.  “It’s just not natural.”

Even those whose livelihood doesn’t depend on the extra money brought in by Fleet Week are devastated.  Said one resident of the west side:

God how I look forward to Fleet Week every year.  The ships.  The pageantry.  All those young men in crisp white uniforms.  I’m very patriotic you see.  I like to see the sailors.  In crisp white uniforms.  I usually invite a few back to my place.  I like to show them my port of entry, so to speak.  But this year?  Because the teabaggers have forced these budget cuts slight decrease in increased spending it’s back to degrading sex along 10th avenue with an illegal alien named Pedro who goes by the name “Alexandra.”  Damn teabaggers!

Indeed the financial loss to the Big Apple’s prostitutes threatens the very fabric of the city.  Many prostitutes have threatened to stop giving discounts to members of the city council.

“If I can’t get my usual discount then what is it all for?” said an alderman.

The graft, the corruption, the crony capitalism, the sweetheart deals, the free parking.  All I ask in return are the thanks of the people I serve and cheap blow jobs.  But If I can’t get cheap blow jobs then I might have to ask my constituents to up their kickbacks to me or their business might burn down.  Accidents happen, you know. Just saying.

Perhaps the last word on the human toll caused by the cancellation of Fleet Week is by one of the very prostitutes most affected.

“I need the sailors.  I have three children to support and stripping brings in only so much!”

A spokesman for the Navy hopes that Fleet Week 2014 will be restored.

“It all depends on the teabaggers and how many cuts slight decrease in increased spending they force upon us.”

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