I’m Back! (The Gallbladder of Peace Edition)

An artist's representation of Manhattan Infidel's gallbladder in it's natural peace-loving state

An artist’s representation of Manhattan Infidel’s gallbladder in it’s natural peace-loving state

For the past few days many people have been wondering about my whereabouts.  And not just the usual suspects (parole officers, ex-wives, pimps I owe money to, trannies I haven’t paid).

No, the respectable, internet-dwelling readers of this blog have wondered where I have been.

Last Friday after spending some time watching the news (apparently there was a teenager on the loose with a gun that made the entire city of Boston cower in fear) I went off to work.

Twelve hours later I was in the ER preparing to have my gallbladder removed during emergency surgery.

But I am now out of the hospital and recovering at home.

I know what you are saying.  “Manhattan Infidel, the gallbladder is an internal organ of peace.  Why would it act like this?”

I don’t know.  But after researching the gallbladder on Wikipedia and looking at images of it, including this image of a bad gallbladder,

This is what a bad gallbladder looks like

This is what a bad gallbladder looks like

I have reached the following conclusions:

  • Society is to blame

Society, and by that I mean racist American society at large as exemplified by Red State culture, is evil, racist and filled with hatred for peoples of color.  I as a member of the blogging elite, am above this culture but have often witnessed American racism in action when my black housekeeper (good help is so hard to find nowadays) is denied entrance to the humidor on the upper west side where my Cuban cigars are stored simply on account of her race.  Because of this I had to send my Mexican gardener instead.

My gallbladder, filled with shame over institutional American racism and its treatment of peoples of color, rebelled.

  • The Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are to blame

My gallbladder, being an internal organ of peace, was quite rightly filled with anger over our wars of conquest in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Filled with such anger, it became radicalized and sought to hurt me by planting bombs.  Fortunately for me, my gallbladder’s bombs did not go off in time, giving the ER doctors time to diffuse them and remove the radicalized gallbladder.

  • Teabaggers (Isn’t that always the case!)

I have always been amazed by the ability of teabaggers to spread fear and violence over the land because of their love of racist liberty.  As I was watching the Boston Police Department take down the teabagger who bombed the marathon I again was amazed at their duplicity.  Isn’t that just like a teabagger to disguise himself as a Chechen Muslim of color so as to cast aspersions on that peace-loving race?  I believe there are many similarities between my gallbladder and Chechens.  Both are instruments of peace in this world.  Both are misunderstood.  Both have been appropriated by teabaggers for their violent, racist ends.  Both like chocolate donuts and Perry Como.

  • The Appendix

Unlike the gallbladder of peace, no one has ever confused the appendix with an internal organ of peace.  Much like Christianity itself it is a force of evil.  Just like Christians have killed hundreds of thousands over the course of the past couple of decades and then blamed it on Muslims, so the appendix causes pain in the body and then blames the gallbladder.  I hate the appendix!  Much like CNN and the hair club for men, it serves no useful purpose.  A pox on the appendix.

  • The lack of gallbladder control laws in the United States

Finally we must come to perhaps the real reason for my gallbladder to go bad:  America’s wild west gun culture.  Since it has been been proven that strict gun laws prevent gun violence (as in Barack Obama’s home town of Chicago) the lack of any gall bladder control laws in America gave my gallbladder encouragement to go rogue.  We need tough gallbladder laws in the United States!

Ban assault gallbladders!

I call upon all our elected congressmen and senators to stop the scourge of gallbladder violence!

It’s for the children!

And there you have it.  Possible reasons my gallbladder went bad.

So I am at home now, resting up.  I hope to be back in action full time on my blog by the beginning of next week.

And remember, if you see a gallbladder, say something.  Don’t assume it was left behind by accident.







9 Responses

  1. What galling story! ( Sorry. I have no shame :=( )

    I was so glad to see your comments this morning. I’ve ben worried about you!
    I think the problems was most likely work. You gotta stop that! Quit your job, go on food stamps, apply Social Security Disability, and put the names of some Latino kids down as dependents on your 1040 and collect money from the IRS.

    Seriously, take care and keep us posted on how you aare doing.

  2. innominatus says:

    First off, Get Well Soon!

    Secondly, we’re gonna need to find you another source of bile. We can’t have you going all soft-n-sweet on us!

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