White House Holds Poetry Jam

You say Poetry Jam I say pure genius.

You say Poetry Jam I say pure genius.

Proving once again his mastery over the elemental forces of life, President Obama held a poetry jam today in the White House, an event that could possibly be the most important thing to ever happen in the history of the world.  Dazzled reporters were left temporarily at a loss for words. The Sun rose in the west.  Sea levels receded and The White Hispanic laid down with the True Hispanic.

Using at its theme the Newtown tragedy first up was Attorney General Eric Holder who read his poem entitled “I Walked the Halls.”

I saw dried blood on the walls

I walked the halls where these unspeakable acts took place

I saw horrific crime scene photos


I keep a close watch on this heart of mine

I keep my eyes wide open because who knows when the gun nuts will strike again

I saw the dried blood on the walls

Because I have brains in my hand

I walk the halls

Holder’s poem left people in tears.  After a three minute standing ovation it was Vice President Joe Biden’s turn as he read from his poem called  “Zapruder in Connecticut.”



Not Just Shot.  Riddled!

Skulls blown open!

Brains in my hand

Gruesome dripping blood

Limbs shot off

Skulls exploded

It’s Zapruder in Connecticut

Gunshots bitches

Biden’s poem ended with the audience stunned, moved to silence by his mastery of words.  Obama ally Senator Dianne Feinstein was next with her poem “Doubting NRA.”

Describe the wounds

Describe the bullet holes in these small bodies

Imploding bullets in block of flesh-like substance


NRA put your finger in the bullet holes

You have learned to believe

because you have seen the effects of gun violence

Blessed are those who have not seen and abhor gun violence

Top-rated talk show host phenomenon Piers Moran read a portion from his new book, “I know what’s best for America.”

Tell me about it

The dried blood

Tell me all about it

I want to know every detail

The stench of blood

Excites me

Take me back to that day

I want to live it over and over again

Blood, gore

Bullets shooting through flesh

I want to see the pictures

For the children

Noted documentarian Michael Moore read a poem entitled “See!”

Let us see

At close range

Flesh torn off babies

Let us see bullets out of a

Bushmaster and what they do

to little babies bodies

Violence in act

Violence in speech

is wrong

Flesh torn off by a fusillade of bullets

This is why we need abortion

Mothers aborting their children in the womb

will prevent flesh being torn off by bullets

Departing from protocol somewhat, Moore read his entire work while eating a double bacon cheeseburger.  Critics speculated that perhaps the double bacon cheeseburger was a prop that was supposed to represent the flesh of babies being torn apart and that his teeth represented an assault rifle.

The poetry jam ended with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who read a poem called “Howl at the fusillade.”

I saw the best babies of my generation

destroyed by bullets

dragging themselves through the kindergarten streets at dawn

Looking for an angry fix


Semen on a blue dress

What does this have to do with gun violence?

I don’t know but I wanted to shoot Bill when I found out about

Semen on a blue dress!

And with that the poetry jam was over.  President Obama thanked everyone who attended and reminded them that “We have work ahead of us.  The Republicans, you know, are obsessed with violence.”

He then invited everyone into the dining room to feast on blood pudding.



4 Responses

  1. Bob Agard says:

    Truly amazing how each one managed to weave pet themes into the poetry. Another great job of reporting, M.I.

  2. Bob Agard says:

    By the way, I was kind of loooking forward to President Obama’s poem. Was he waiting to get approval from Michelle?

    Or Axelrod?

    Or Ayres?

    • Bob Agard says:

      Spelling “looking” with an extra “o” is my contribution to the Manhatten Infidel poetry jam, I guess.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      President Obama is writing a 64,000 word epic about gun violence in America called “The Assault Rifle Oddysey.” Should be ready next year.

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