Caveman Blames Slow Economic Recovery on Global Warming

The economy would be booming right now if it weren't for the weather.

The economy would be booming right now if it weren’t for the weather.

Local caveman representative Og, of the house of Og has blamed his tribe’s low economic numbers on the continued presence of heavy packs of ice throughout his place of residence.

“Numbers not good.  Og take heat” he told cave reporters.

Og blame extenuating circumstances.  Things better if not for weather.  Look at ice.  Ice advance no matter what we do. Og already reduce flame on his firestick. Still ice advance.  It like no matter what Og do he can’t influence the climate.

Og was referring to a controversial series of measures passed in the caveman council that limited the size of fires in residences and hand held clubs.    Despite being unpopular with the masses Og defends the measure.

“Glaciers caused by global warming.  Science settled.  Smaller fires will stop ice from advancing.”

As part of the measures to reduce global warming cavemen also had to use “low flush” pits to deposit their human waste.  These have also proven ineffective and unpopular as they often backed up.  Og defends the low flush pits as well.

“High flush pits bad.  Cause climate change.  Science settled.”

The controversial anti-climate change bills were passed despite caution from the opposition party that there is no solid evidence of a link between high flush pits, fully lit fire sticks and climate change.  Og derides the opposition as uninformed and backward.

“Opposition neanderthal.  Not Cro-Magnon like me.”

Og also defends the centralized economic policies of his caveman administration as the best way of recovering from a four-year downturn.

We pump money into local  economy.  Borrow money.  Borrow  money from Homo Sapien bankers.  Og no like Homo Sapien bankers.  Og say they make too much money.  Og say they must examine their priorities.  Ask themselves if they’ve already made too much money.  Og occupy Homo Sapien bank.

Despite the so-called “caveman stimulus” the economy continues in a recession.

Meanwhile Og is calling for a public works program to build windmills.

Firesticks no good for energy.  Cause climate change.  Windmill make ice go away.  Og owns windmill.  Build windmill!  It for children.

The opposition to the windmill scheme, however, will not budge and the chances of so-called “wind farms” in the near future are not likely.


2 Responses

  1. Og is a crony corporatist. He wants subsidiies for his windmills. The Cro-Magnon bastards always have an angle!

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Jim: Og is opposed to corporations. He is a liberal. He only tolerates corporations when they are government-controlled and he is heavily invested in them.

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