President Obama to Appear on Dancing with the Stars

Republicans think this is goulish.  Teabaggers!

Republicans think this is ghoulish. Teabaggers!

It has been announced that President Barack Obama has agreed to appear on Season 17 of Dancing with the Stars.

“President Obama is excited about the opportunity” said Press Secretary Jay Carney

As a sophisticated intellect he enjoys opportunities like these to get away from the stresses of being America’s chief executive.  Why just the other day at a private White House party when we were watching Justin Timberlake perform the President said to me, “I enjoy this.  It makes me forget that I had to shut down the White House tours because the evil Republicans had forced me to implement the sequester.”

A spokesman for Dancing with the Stars told reporters that “There are two things that Dancing with the Stars prides itself on.”

One of them is our ability to get the top stars, the people that Americans are most fascinated with to perform on our show.  The second thing we pride ourself on is our judges ability to take it up the ass.  But perhaps I shouldn’t talk about that.  We already had evil on the show.  I won’t even mention her name but it was the spawn of that horrible ex-governor of Alaska.  So why not have goodness itself on the show?  So that’s why we are so excited to have President Obama this year.

As to who will be the President’s dancing partner, Lindsay Lohan and Lena Dunham were the two top prospects mentioned.

Sadly we had to go without either.  Lohan kept failing the drug test and Dunham couldn’t pass the physical.

So while President Obama as of yet does not have a dancing partner his first dance number has been revealed.  Entitled “Dancing on the Graves of Murdered Children” it will have President Obama and his as of yet unnamed partner dancing in a graveyard as they try to avoid evil undead zombies.

Having President Obama dance on graves of children will show his compassion.  And the evil undead zombies trying to stop him will represent the Republicans.  It’s all very symbolic and deep you see.  Totally befitting a man of the President’s intellect.

A sketch has been released showing an artist’s representation of the dance number.

This is so cool!  And it's for the children.

This is so cool! And it’s for the children.

As for the musical number, it has been decided that Patty Smyth’s “The Warrior”  will be used.  Special lyrics will be inserted into the song just for the occasion which go:

Shooting  at the Second Amendment

Bang Bang I am the Socialist

Victory is mine

No one is more excited to be appearing on the show than President Obama himself, who believes the opportunity can be used to further his gun control agenda.

Ever since the tragedy at Newtown this administration has used every opportunity available to promote gun control.  And while Americans overwhelmingly support me I have been blocked from implementing my policies by Republicans.  Republicans who like gun violence.  But we all know Republicans are helpless in the face of pop culture.  That’s why I’m going on Dancing with the Stars.  Even if I don’t win I will defeat the Republicans.

Speaker of the House John Boehner has asked for equal time.

I’d like to be on the show. I’m cool.  Not like people say.  I even have a song picked out.  It’s by The DeFranco Family.  But if we can’t get the rights to that maybe the Starland Vocal Band.

Dancing with the stars has declined to invite Boehner.





4 Responses

  1. This is all wrong! How can The One accept not being the star? He should be the star dancing with the “I got me an Obamaphone” girl. Now that would be worth watching.

  2. Maybe they can partner him with Kamala Harris.

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