It has been a few months since I’ve updated the world famous Kennedy Malfeasance Template™.  Fortunately for me an opportunity to commit malfeasance is catnip to a member of the Kennedy Clan.  So without further adieu I now present the Updated (Updated) {Updated} Kennedy Malfeasance Template™.

Environmental activist and former heroin addict Robert Kennedy Jr. was arrested in front of the White House for

1. Protesting the Keystone XL Pipeline
2. Trying to buy heroin
3. Using the Keystone XL Pipeline as an excuse to buy heroin
4. He’s a Kennedy.  Do the cops really need an excuse?
5. Seriously.  The police figured they’d better arrest him before someone died

Why did Robert Kennedy Jr. choose the White House as the location of his protest?

1. It would mean more publicity for his cause
2. Cause?  I have a cause?
3. The White House is like Buckingham Palace to the Kennedys
4. Seriously.  It’s our house.  We are American royalty
5. After hallucinating for 36 straight hours Kennedy was confused and thought that uncle Jack still lived there

As an environmental activist the Keystone Pipeline represents what to Kennedy?

1. Pure evil
2. Possible contamination of ground water
3. All I heard was “pipe.”  Can I smoke what’s in it?
4. Pipeline?  Shit I thought you said “mainline.“
5. You know me and John Jr. both banged Darryl Hannah

Seriously?  Darryl Hannah?  Why?

1. She’s blonde
2. She has a vagina
3. She used to be a movie star
4. She’s still alive
5. I like dating live women.  They can drive me home when I’m strung out on heroin.  Dead women can’t do that

A live woman represents what to the Kennedys?

1. Novelty
2. An opportunity to document the transitional phase to eventual deathhood
3. Live women like drugs, just like Kennedy men
4. I’m getting bored with Darryl Hannah
5. Do you think Darryl will be dead soon?

And there you have it, readers.  The latest installment in the Kennedy Malfeasance Template™.  As they say, there are three things certain in life:  Death, taxes and the opportunity for another malfeasance template.

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