My Exclusive Interview with Soledad O’Brien

My earpiece tells me……..

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing Soledad O’Brien, late of CNN’s “Starting Point” show and veteran of many years in the news industry.

MI:  Ms. O’Brien thank you for meeting with me.

SOB:  The pleasure is mine.

MI: You’re too kind.

SOB:  Well, we news professionals with hit cable shows have to stick together, don’t we?

MI:  I, I don’t have a hit cable show.

SOB:  Oh well.  I guess only I have a hit cable show.

MI:  Actually you don’t.  Your show was cancelled in part because CNN VP Bart Feder thought that your audience was too ethnic.

SOB:  Cancelled?  No that’s not right.  My producer, and I’m listening to him through my earpiece now, tells me that according to Wikipedia cancelled means “renewed.”

MI:  Are you sure?

SOB:  It’s in my earpiece.

MI:  Okay. We’ll address that issue later.  Do you have any thoughts on Feder saying that your audience was too small and happened to be predominantly African-American?  Too ethnic in other words?

SOB:  Okay.  Okay.  According to my producer, and he’s saying this in my earpiece right now, that according to Wikipedia “too ethnic” mean “too Celtic.  Too Irish.”  

MI:  I sincerely doubt it means that.

SOB:  It’s in my earpiece.  My producer, my earpiece and Wikipedia do not lie.

MI:  Really?

SOB:  [Pause] Black is beautiful!

MI:  I agree.  All colors created by God are beautiful.  

SOB:  According to my producer Wikipedia says God is a bourgeois construct.

MI:  You don’t even now what that means.  Let me see that earpiece.

[Manhattan Infidel rips out Soledad O’Brien’s earpiece]

MI:  You’re not listening to your producer.  This earpiece isn’t even connected to anything!

SOB:  Well that’s all the time we have.  Join me tomorrow – 

MI:  You’re not on the air!

SOB:  Don’t touch me.  Don’t come near me.   I have a can of mace.  I’ll use it.  Swish. Swish.

MI:  You don’t have a can of mace in your hand.  You’re just pointing your finger at me and making “swishing” noises.

SOB:  According to Wikipedia Mace was a keyboardist in the Grateful Dead.

MI:  You’re just making shit up.

SOB:  Please, give me back my earpiece.  I beg you.

[Manhattan Infidel hands her back her earpiece which she puts on.  After putting it back on she curls up into a fetal position]

SOB:  I love you earpiece.  According to my producer Wikipedia says nervous breakdown means to lightly marinate.

MI:  I’m going to go now.  This is really too painful to watch.

SOB:  Watch.  Wikipedia has no entry on a watch.

I left Ms. O’Brien curled up in a fetal position, wearing her earpiece and quoting fake Wikipedia entries.  What can I say.  The old “earpiece’ scam is one of the oldest around.  Don’t fall for it.


One Response

  1. How do you do it, Infidel? How do you put up with so much stupidity? I s she now resting in your freezer?

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