Che Voted Sexiest Mass Murderer Ever!

murder can be sexyHere at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we pride ourselves on the ability to outrun the police while wearing nothing but high heels and carrying lubricant and a Penthouse magazine from 1985.

But also, and more importantly, we our proud of our work in bringing important information to our readers.  Information that others in the legacy media and the blogosphere consistently choose to ignore.  Why?  Perhaps because they have contempt for the facts.  And I make a lot of shit up.  But mostly because I make a lot of shit up.

And so in the spirit of making shit up I present the sexiest mass murderers ever.

  •  Pol Pot. Pol Pot - sexy murderer The leader of the Khmer Rouge and Democratic Kampuchea, Pol Pot comes in at number five on our list.  Having killed between 760,000 and three million during his time in power, many people find his exotic ethnicity and penchant for single breasted suits irresistible. A shocking 85% of college-age women who were shown his photo reported that they would “overlook the mass murder.”  A typical response from one woman was, “He couldn’t have been all bad. Not with groovy hair like that.  I bet he was kind to animals.”
  • Stalin. Ride the mustache honey Stalin makes the list at number four because of his beautiful, impish smile, a mustache that said “free rides for everybody” and the way he wore a uniform.  And who can resist a man in uniform?  The Manhattan Infidel himself has taken to cruising back alleys late at night wearing Soviet-era uniforms and carrying lubricant in his search for love.  Has he been successful?  No but he often gets mistaken for a doorman.  (And I ain’t reporting the tips on my tax return!)
  • Karen and Richard Carpenter. The Carpenters - not mass murderers but Methodists. The vocal and instrumental duo of the ’70s come in at number three. They are known for their unique brand of nonthreatening sexiness.  While technically not mass murderers they were notorious Methodists.  Perhaps to avoid confusion surviving member Richard Carpenter is currently touring America with a new band called “Methodists Not Murderers.”
  • Genghis Khan. Not the guy from lost.  But he is Asian. The genocidal warlord who united the nomadic tribes of Northeast Asia comes in at number two.  His sex appeal can be best summed up by one woman who said that “He looked like that guy from Lost who is now on Hawaii Five-O.  Only he’s Korean not Mongolian and hasn’t killed anybody.  Yet.”  On his deathbed Khan urged his sons to keep his empire united and “not to convert to Methodism.”
  • Che Guevara. Che is sexy!!!! And finally, the Butcher of La Cabana comes in at number one on our list of sexy mass murderers.  Che’s ever present image on t-shirts is testament to his timeless sex appeal.  Women frequently squeal at just the mention of his name.  “His vacant stare, the scraggly beard, the ruthlessness, his obstinate, narrow and dogmatic views, his willingness to kill at the drop of a hat – he reminds me of Al Gore” said a woman.

And there you have it.  My list of the top five sexiest mass murderers ever.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go buy some lubricant.


10 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    Che could go down to the park and machinegun half the OWS hippies there, and they’d *still* worship him. Now that’s dedication.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: That Che! He’s just soooooo sexy and dreamy. I he were to machine gun me I’m sure he’d have a good explanation. Sexy people can never be evil.

  3. “Socialism” _ The art of of socializing death while redistributing wealth to the “betters” requires a certain yo no se´ que. I’m not sure that sex appeal is the right term.

  4. innominatus says:

    Oh, I forgot to mention. I hadn’t heard any Carpenters since my parents’ 8-track player crapped out about 30 years ago. And I was VERY OK with that. But now you’ve stuck “top of the world” in my head and I’m ready to go on a bloody rampage. What’s next? Capt. & Tennille?

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:


    Such a feelin’s comin’ over me

    There is wonder in most everything I see

    Not a cloud in the sky

    Got the sun in my eyes

    And I won’t be surprised if it’s a dream

    Everything I want the world to be

    Is now coming true especially for me

    And the reason is clear

    It’s because you are here

    You’re the nearest thing to heaven that I’ve seen

    (*) I’m on the top of the world lookin’ down on creation

    And the only explanation I can find

    Is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around

    Your love’s put me at the top of the world

    Something in the wind has learned my name

    And it’s tellin’ me that things are not the same

    In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze

    There’s a pleasin’ sense of happiness for me

    There is only one wish on my mind

    When this day is through I hope that I will find

    That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me

    All I need will be mine if you are here

  6. innominatus says:

    I knew you’d use the nuclear option on me, but I couldn’t help myself. No doubt you have Muskrat Love stuck in your head by now, so I think we’re even.

    Oh, and WHAM!

  7. Trestin says:

    Everyone always overlooks the Carpenters, but yeah.

  8. ‘Stalin makes the list at number four because of his beautiful, impish smile, a mustache that said “free rides for everybody”’

    For the win, my homie.

  9. Chakam says:

    No, no, no…it was Pablo Picasso. Check it:

    All the girls would turn the color of an avocado,
    as he’d drive down the street in his El Dorado,
    why he was only five foot three, girls could not resist his stare…
    Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

    Courtesy: Flaming Sensations

    Che ain’t got shit on Pablo, and yes, Pablo was a serial killer./mass murderer. It’s true. I read about it on Wikipedia, so it must be true.

  10. eots says:

    Stalin gets points for being a perv. He had ballerinas perform at Kremlin for him personally. His one-time henchman Beria had KGB kidnap girls off the streets of Moscow for him to have his way with them.

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