Recently I had the chance to go to Lower Manhattan and observe first-hand the protests that have garnered world-wide attention and sympathy known as “Occupy Wall Street.”  I was motivated by curiosity.  Who where they?  What did they believe in?  What did they hope to accomplish?  Did they have any weed to sell me?  Were any of the protesters hot and would they give it up for me?  What I found may surprise my readers.

My first encounter was with a lanky man in his 20s who identified himself as the head of the poetry department at Occupy Wall Street.

“We don’t use names here. Names are bourgeois” he said.

I asked him what the Poetry Department Occupy Wall street does.

Basically we come up with chants to use.  We are particularly fond of chants that start with “Hey ho.”  The capitalist pigs on Wall Street hate the hey ho chants.  It mocks them.  And that’s what we’re here for.  We want to  mock the Zionists out of existence.  You said you were with the New York Times right?  Perhaps some of your readers can send us some “Hey Ho” chants to help the cause?

I said I would.  And readers, if anyone has any good “Hey Ho” chants send them to me.  I’ll pass them on to the protesters for a small finders’ fee.  (Yes, I know this might be against all the  protesters stand for but we live in a transitional state.  Until the socialist workers’ paradise is brought into existence we have to use the capitalist system of the man.  Don’t worry.  I have a PayPal account.)

My next stop was the Alternative Poetry Department of Occupy Wall Street.   A lanky man gave the history of the Alternative Poetry Department.

We feel the poetry department has sold out.  Hey Ho chants don’t scare the man anymore. He’s used to it.  That’s why we set up the Alternative Poetry Department.  We need a fresh, bold approach to fight the power.  That’s why all our chants start with “Ho, Hey!”  The man doesn’t know how to respond to Ho Hey chants. 

He then focused his attention on a Wall Street businessman buying a newspaper.

“Ho, Hey……” his voice trailed off confused.  “What rhymes with hey?” 

“Gay?” I helpfully suggested.

Thanking me he again turned his steely social-justice inspired gaze back upon the businessman.

“Ho, Hey, the man is gay!”

He became excited by his chant and the effects it had.

“See, see!  I mocked him!  He was so rattled by my mocking he bought the Wall Street Journal instead of the New York Times!”

My next stop was the Theology Department of Occupy Wall Street.

A tall, lanky man –

Editor’s note:  Lawyers from the New York Times have contacted Manhattan Infidel and told him to stop using the work “lanky.”  They have a copyright on it.  Manhattan Infidel will comply.

offered me what he was eating.

“It’s arugula. It’s green!” he said excitedly.

“So’s my  liver” I replied.  “But I’m not going to share that with you.”

I asked the decidedly non-lanky person (see the above editor’s note) about the theology behind the protest.

“It’s all about social justice!” he said. “I mean, I didn’t spend my entire childhood playing video games just to get a job.”

Several members started chanting “What do we want?  Social justice?  When do we want it?  Right after the  pizza is delivered!”

Another person in the Theology Department told me of his “awakening” to the need for social justice.

I have a doctorate in Gender Identity in the New Testament. And now I have to waste my talents writing cover letters to send out with my resume?  By the way, archeological evidence suggests John the Baptist was a trannie.

I thanked all the protesters for meeting with me.  Several asked me to come back soon, “with food.”

And so readers, if you find yourself in lower Manhattan and come upon the Occupy Wall Street protesters remember:  Their cause is noble.

I’m just fooling with you.  Seriously.  If you see them, kick them in the nuts and then call their parents.

It’s all about social justice.

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