Redistribute the sex!

“Let’s give them a Republic. And let’s redistribute the sex” ~ Ben Franklin

Over the past 230 years Ben Franklin’s compassionate message has been forgotten by many.  But no more.  The last few years have witnessed a return to the message of our founders.  Now is the time for Franklin’s vision to once again define America.

Redistribution is compassionate.  Redistribution is the right thing to do.

Endorphins and genitalia are just too important to be left to the whim of private reproductive enterprise.  It is important to the social contract that sex be redistributed.

Sex has a communitarian aspect.

No one has sex alone.

Well, except for the Manhattan Infidel.

Every Friday and Saturday night.

In his darkened studio apartment.

While he streams No Man’s Land Asian Edition Volumes 1 & 2.


But I digress.  Just take a look at the figures (courtesy of the Nonprofit Institute on the Redistribution of Sex.)

  • 1% of all Americans have 60 percent of the sex in the United States.    This group of hot people, generally confined to the region surrounding Hollywood California have sex with whomever they want.  I ask you.  Is this fair?
  • 25% of all Americans have 30 percent of the sex in the United States.  This group, while not that attractive are just sexual gluttons.  I ask you.  Is this fair?
  • 50% of all Americans have no sex.  This group of unfortunates are responsible for 86% of violent crime in America and 98% of all blogs.

Clearly then lack of sex leads to violence, the breakdown of the social order and blogging.  The science is settled.

It is for this reason that I suggest that sex should be redistributed.  Here are some specifics of my proposal:

The 1% from Hollywood who have sex whenever and with whomever they please can still do this.  However, 37% of their sex must be with the 50% who have no sex.  For instance Olivia Wilde, Olivia, satisfy the Manhattan Infidel.  It’s your patriotic duty! Erica Cerra Just because our financial system has collapsed is no reason to miss Eureka or Missy Peregrym Redistribute the sex! could fly to New York City and have sex with a blogger. Perhaps even Manhattan Infidel himself.

    Consider it your patriotic duty.  Or don’t you care about the societal impact of violent crime?  Somewhere a child cries because his father is in jail.  You can prevent this.

    And by doing this you will set a perfect example for the redistribution of sex.  For if the sex is not redistributed what chance would Manhattan Infidel have of having sex with these three woman?  For loyal readers, this is what I look like:

    Hi. I’m the Manhattan Infidel. God is my skin dry.

    As you can see, with the beginning of Autumn and colder weather my skin gets very dry.

    • The 25% of people who have 30% of the sex in the United States can continue to do so.  However, since you’re really not that attractive do not tell anybody or film it.  Please.  Don’t film it. I beg you.
    • The 50% of all Americans who have no sex shall be placed in a Federal database.  Your name shall be chosen at random for your chance to engage in sexual relations with the 1% from Hollywood.

    And that readers, is my proposal.

    Don’t thank me.  I’m the Manhattan Infidel.

    I’m just doing my job to make this a better, more compassionate country.


    6 Responses

    1. innominatus says:

      If there had been cellphones back in the day, I think Ben would have sexted pix of Little Franklin to King George. Right there in the middle of the Continental Congress. I really think so.

    2. With that platform you could get elected President or at least Dog Catcher. Go for it, man! Can I be your campaign manager or is that job already taken?

    3. Manhattan Infidel says:

      Inn. I like that. But I think it’s more likely that good ole Ben would sexted that hottie Dolly Madison.

      Jim: I need someone ruthless and amoral as my campaign manager. When can you start? Oh, and Missy Peregrym is mine.

    4. Matt says:

      Well, as long as you’re not an enigmatic alien from Star Trek, it’s all Ok by me.

    5. Manhattan Infidel says:

      Damn you Matt: You know my secret!

    6. MK says:

      Nice plan Infidel, i don’t see it working but i can’t blame you for trying.

    Leave a Reply

    Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

    XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>