Gotham City Seeks to Limit Use of Bat Signal

The bat signal - a hazard to navigationIt has become a regular feature in Gotham city:  A signal into the sky with the silhouette of a bat.  In need of help, Gotham city has called on Batman.

There is just one problem.  The bat signal is a hazard to plane navigation. Several near misses have been reported by planes approaching Gotham Airport.

“It’s like a goddamn laser pointer” said one pilot.

“I couldn’t see the runway because of it” said another.

JetBlue, AirTran and Delta have all threatened to stop flying into Gotham.

Faced with the threat of declining tax revenues if their tourist trade diminishes, the Gotham City Council has asked that the Bat Signal be eliminated.

“Why can’t we just get the Batman a damn cellphone?” asked a council member.  “It’s bound to be cheaper than lighting up that Bat Signal.  The wattage on those bulbs alone cost the city thousands each month.”

Citing privacy concerns, Batman has objected to using a cell phone. Said the caped crusader:

A cellphone can be easily traced. People will know where my secret Bat cave is.  It’s important that when I’m enjoying Dick – by that I mean spending time with my young ward Dick Grayson – that people not know where I am.  I think the Bat signal is an excellent way to reach me.  You don’t have to worry about dropped calls and I can see it anywhere.  

By a vote of 9-3 it was decided to overrule Batman’s wishes.  The Bat signal has been discontinued and the high wattage bulbs destroyed to make satisfaction for damaging the environment of Mother Earth.

“We got Batman 500 free minutes a month.  And he can put Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara talk to Batman in his top five if he wants.”

Next on the City Council’s agenda:  Investigating whether Chief O’Hara ordered his police to use their batons on college students on orders from Commissioner Gordon.

Those who have heard the tape say that O’Hara can be heard saying, “Faith and Begorra.  Let’s crack open some hippie skulls.”

“We have him on tape.  We just need to know how high up this goes” said a councilman.


11 Responses

  1. MK says:

    Forger the cell phone give him a beeper, old style like doctors.:)

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: The bat beeper? I like it. It has a nice alliteration to it.

  3. The Jungers says:

    I’d like to crack so hippie skulls myself.

  4. “Let’s crack open some hippie skulls.”

    I knew O’Hara was one of us. ;-p

  5. Karen Howes says:

    Holy green gobshite, Batman!

  6. innominatus says:

    I am both busy AND tired, so I didn’t even read the post. Sorry. I just wonder how awesome it’d been if Pete Best had been in Wham!

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: O’Hara is indeed one of us.

    KH: let’s crack some hippie skulls!

    Inn: Pete Best was the original drummer for Wham! But he was kicked out for not adopting a Wham! haircut. And he wasn’t gay.

  8. John Carey says:

    I just back from Gothem and I can tell you crime is up.

  9. Manhattan Infidel says:

    JC: You see, if only the stubborn city council had left Batman alone to fight crime!

  10. Matt says:

    They say that as if cracking hippie skulls is wrong?

  11. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: There is never anything wrong with cracking hippie skulls.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>