Supercontinent Pangaea to Break Up; Yoko Ono Blamed

The supercontinent - broken up because of a womanDateline 250 million B.C. After many millions of years together as the only land mass on Earth, the supercontinent Pangaea has broken up.

In a statement released as he broke off, the North American plate said that he is leaving because “We have grown apart over the years.  Every day I can feel us moving farther and farther from each other.”

However many blame the new girlfriend of the Eurasian plate, avant-garde performance artist Yoko Ono (pictured here.)   Yoko Ono - the woman who broke up the supercontinent

“It’s true” said the African plate. “We used to be very tight until she came along.” 

Sources report that after he hooked up with Ono, the Eurasian plate became convinced that he was much more than a tectonic plate.  The Eurasian plate felt that he was an artist who did not need the other plates.  Soon Eurasia was attending avant-garde events.

“He totally changed” said the African plate.  “I just didn’t feel close to him anymore.  He started pulling away.”

For his part Eurasia sensed the other continents disapproved of his new girlfriend.

“He was really pissed at the others” said a friend.   “They had a lot of arguments over her.”

Still others blame the North American’s plates new wife, photographer Linda Eastman (pictured here.)  Some feel Linda Eastman is the real cause of the breakup

“After the North American plate got married he bought a farm with lots of sheep and didn’t hang out with the other continents” said a critic.

Some believe the real culprit behind the breakup is a little understood force called plate tectonics.  Others feel Pangaea broke up because they refused to tour. Still others blame George Bush.

No matter the real reason many feel that the separate continents will never be as big as they were when they were together.

The only person happy with the breakup is Pangaea’s former drummer Pete Best. Hi.  I’m Pete Best and I’d like to take this opportunity to beg for a job Said Pete, “Serves them right for getting rid of me. I’m a better drummer than the Australian plate anyway.”


5 Responses

  1. The Jungers says:

    “It’s true” said the African plate. “We used to be very tight until she came along.”
    Your mom was tight to before I came along my friend.

  2. innominatus says:

    So it was Yoko’s fault? I always figured it was that visit to the Dalai Lama that screwed ’em up. Learn supthin’ new every day.

    And I still laugh when I think back to that Beavis & Butthead where the were mocking a Yoko vid. “Hey, Butthead! She’s looking down at the paino. She’s only pretending to be blind!” Yes, I once was juvenile enough to think B&B was funny. I outgrew that phase a few hours ago.

  3. The Jungers says:

    Does any one else find this awesome?

  4. Matt says:

    This post is made of awesome. I think we should replace global warming with Yoko Ono. She is really to blame for all that is wrong with the world!

  5. Mark says:

    It’s easy to blame Yoko but the truth is Pangaea was broke. Their manager screwed them over.
    That being said, Yoko can still lick a dogs ass till it bleeds.

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