As our nation celebrates President’s Day, the day we honor such greats as John Tyler, Franklin Pierce, James Garfield, William Howard Taft and Lyndon Johnson, perhaps no President is as neglected as William Henry Harrison.

Harrison, our ninth President (March 4th, 1841-April 4th, 1841) and our first to die in office is our most neglected President, ranking lower in recognition surveys than the 1980-81 cast of Saturday Night Live.

At the William Henry Harrison Library in Ohio the Library is open but there are no visitors.

“It’s true” said the Director of the Library.  “No one ever comes in.  We had some kids come in last year but that was because they thought Harrison was the Harrison from the Beatles.  They asked me about the guitar solo on ‘While my Guitar Gently Weeps.’  I had to chase them out.  Besides, Eric Clapton played lead guitar on that song.”

Because of its lack of visitors, the William Henry Harrison Presidential Library is in danger of losing its funding.

“We don’t have many exhibits.  He only had one presidential paper – his inaugural address – and that is so long and boring no one bothers to read it.  We even tried lunchtime concerts to draw in crowds but everyone kept asking to hear ‘My Sweet Lord.’  Again, I had to keep telling them ‘Wrong Harrison!’ “

To avoid shutting its doors, the Library started a series of controversial publicity gimmicks.  First up – strippers.

“People today expect their elected leaders to have sex scandals so why not have strippers at the Library?  But that didn’t work out like we planned because people kept asking me if we were reenacting that scene from Magical Mystery Tour with the strippers.  How many times do I have to say ‘Wrong Harrison?’ ”

Accepting the inevitable, the William Henry Harrison Presidential Library closed for a month for renovations.  It reopened its doors as the George Harrison Library.  Hopes were high as the line to get in went around the block.

“Unfortunately the first guy to enter asked me if this library was dedicated to County Mayo-born IRA gunrunner George Harrison, who was indicted by the U.S. Government  in 1981 as part of ‘Operation Bushmill.’  It was then that to close the library again and reopen it as a Starbucks.”

The new Starbucks Presidential Library’s hours at 7 AM to 9 PM Monday through Saturday.  First-time customers get a free George Harrison CD.

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