Congressman John Murtha (D-PA) has accepted a bribe from Satan and agreed to die.

The congressman had been under investigation for ethical lapses and channeling millions of taxpayer money to the John Murtha Airport, among others.  The FBI, in collaboration with Satan (“Deliciously ironic, don’t you think” said Satan), had been conducting an undercover investigation where Satan, posing as a government contractor (“Again, I can’t make this stuff up” said Satan), went to Murtha’s offices in D.C., and promised him millions of dollars earmarked for his district if he would vote in favor of a new tax law involving contractors.

In the videotape of the sting, Murtha is seen telling Satan that he is “not interested in doing business……at this point. [If] we do business for awhile maybe I’ll be interested, maybe I won’t.  But if you want to do business with me it certainly won’t hurt to channel money to my airport.” 

It was then that officers swooped into Murtha’s office and placed him under arrest.  An enraged Murtha spat at the Devil and shouted, “You lied to me!  You’re no government contractor.  You’re Satan!  Well, what do you know.  Deliciously ironic isn’t it?”

As Murtha, handcuffed to a water cooler in his office seethed, FBI agents went through his personal effects while Satan discussed future work with the government.

“I think my talents would be best put to use in the Department of the Interior” said Satan. “I’m all about eminent domain.”

The conversation soon turned to Murtha’s  punishment.  Since it was agreed by all sides that indicting a Democrat “would not be fair”, it was decided to let Murtha work out his punishment with Satan.

Murtha was given two choices:  Banishment to the eight circle of Hell where he would be forced to eat pork for eternity while being repeatedly being shot to pieces by Marines; or, sharing an office with Nancy Pelosi.  Murtha chose Hell.

“Anything is better than sharing an office with that bitch.”

Continuing his discussion about future plans Satan told reporters, “I’m not going into politics.  I have standards.  But a career as a mid-level civil servant would be just perfect.”

In a related note, the new John Murtha International Airport has opened in Hell.

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