President Obama Unveils 2011 Budget

The White House Swimming pool, site of the 2011 budgetAs the Secret Service gently placed water wings on the commander-in-chief and lowered him into the shallow end of the White House swimming pool, President Obama talked about his 2011 budget.  The budget calls for 3.83 trillion in spending, creating a budget deficit of 1.56 trillion and giving the U.S. trillion dollar budget deficits for the next three years.

“Red is such an interesting color, don’t you think?  I like the color red” said the President as he practiced the doggy paddle.  “Until America is back at work and this depression is over, I will continue spending money.  It’s important to understand that we cannot reduce this deficit overnight, which is why I’m calling for a massive across the board increase in spending.”

As Vice President Biden jumped into the pool, splashing the President and Speaker of the House Pelosi sat by the edge of the pool picking petals off flowers and saying “He spends…..he spends more…..he spends…..he spends more” President Obama went into further detail about the budget.

“Jobs are my number one priority.  Only through job creation can we get out of this crippling recession started by my predecessor.  And how are we going to create jobs?  Simple.  My goal by the time I leave office in 2017, after a landslide election to a second term, is to have everybody in the United States on the Federal payroll.  How are we to accomplish this?  Simple. I am going to tax those bad people making more than $250,000 a year.  BIDEN WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!”

President Obama then paddled over to the side of the pool and told Secret Service agents that “Vice President Biden is touching me.  Make him stop!”

The assembled agents told the Vice President to cut it out.  They then told the President to stay away from the deep end of the pool and to stay on the shallow end where they could keep an eye on him.  Vice President Biden then swam over to Speaker Pelosi and splashed her, making her cry.

“Boys are mean!’ she said.

President Obama, ignoring all advice, then swam out to the deep end of the pool.  He seemed invigorated at first, shouting, “Look at me!  Look at me!” 

However, when he realized that his feet couldn’t touch the bottom he began to panic.

“I’m in over my head.   I’m going to drown!”

The Secret Service sprang into action, grabbing the leaf skimmer and telling the President to hold onto it.  This has no effect as the President began to hyperventilate. The White House went into lockdown mode as agents spoke into their walkie talkies. 

“No. 1 is panicking.  No. 1 is panicking.  Request assistance.”  

The President was saved by a quick-thinking agent who, at great personal risk, dove into the pool and and grabbed the President, carrying him out of the pool and wrapping him in a towel.

The White House has empaneled a commission to determine exactly why the President was in danger and how to prevent it from happening again.  The investigation is expected to last six months and cost approximately $500 billion.



4 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    “Hey, Mr. Secret Service Agent! I’ll give ya ten bucks to look the other way next time barry heads to the deep end!”

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Unfortunately the Agents are trained too well for that and are dedicated public servants.

    Besides, that would leave Biden in charge.

  3. Matt says:

    Biden’s STFU would consist of an hour of him talking about teh rabbits.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    An hour of Biden talking about rabbits would still be more interesting than the speech I had to watch.

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